Dillwyn Swingers in Virginia

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Letting them down softly???? - Give us advice? - No matter how "easy" you try to make it, some people, unfortunately, will never LET you make it easy. Let's face it, rejection sucks and some people just don't take it well...if at all! We've tried every imaginable way to let people down easy and trust me, there is no magic bullet that works for everyone. If there was we totally would have patented it, made a fortune selling "Swinging For Dummies" books and would be living on a tropical island surrounded only by hot sexy swingers that we find spectacularly attractive. [em]Emo_84[/em]

Now that you're one of them there fancy swingers... - - [quote=EVILDOERS]It's very nice of you to bring ice cream to an event, FRIENDLY. There is always room for extra ice cream or maybe a casserole or a bundt cake.[/quote] I dunno, once they start to bring ice cream, I become a bit of a dessert snob. I want white chocolate raspberry truffle cheesecake next time.

Can someone enlighten me? - - [quote]8) They're not really swingers. They work for the NSA (or the LDS church)[/quote]Well I don't think it is the NSA since they would just make your internet provider give them your info and pics, and I am pretty sure the LDS church reserves the same right in some obscure law passed by the state legislature :).

Sexy swingers closer to our age - 20-30 year old sexy swingers - We are in our 20s, 25 and 29.

Whats concidered BBW? - - As swingers maybe we would like to think that the only reason monogamy became so prevalent and popular in western society is because religions, governments and a male dominance ploy all worked together as a mean to achieve power and control etc., etc., and for that reason all other forms of sexuality have been subject to persecution. I think there is a valid argument and facts to support the theory that the enforcement of monogamy is somewhat conspiratorial and not all based on the idea that it is the ultimate good or best relationship. However, perhaps, it is, socially also somewhat advantageous, in that it is so much easier to be polite. We all work and socialize with people that we hold in high esteem that we do not find sexually attractive. In a monogamous world where sex is usually not on the table for consideration, in interpersonal relations, the offense of rejecting and the pain of rejection are avoided. I think that removing sex from consideration in so many social interactions has perhaps, provided for some level of peace and has, perhaps, promoted the general welfare. So to be a swinger, and happy, do we, perhaps, have to be a bit more enlightened than the average Joe or Jane? Because sex drive originates from our primitive brain, which is not rational, we do not have absolute control over what we find sexy. So what we reject and what we accept are somewhat out of our control. Perhaps, all we should expect from our higher brain function is all the added color and dimensions to sex we can oh so enjoy. That is a lot and that is what makes the primitive urges so much more fun for us, I would speculate, than for any other species. So what 99.999999995 of humanity share is a primitive urge for sex. Preference is subject to and more fully experienced by our unique higher brain function and all the abstracts of preference. Never-the-less, we do not seem to be able to ever completely escape a certain level of primitive hard wiring and perhaps a certain level of social conditioning too. We all want to be accepted and fit. Devotees of the joys of BBW, given the chance will fulfill all their primitive needs in a sea of wonderful expansive abstractions that will color the experience and make it somewhat sacred. Same goes for most any other preference save those that ignore the needs, wants and safety of their partner. Hence those hard wired to be gay, can and should and I hope do swim in a sea of gay fulfillment. Those that are hard wired heterosexual can and I hope do, swim in a sea of heterosexual fulfillment and those bisexual will swim in their own sea and so it goes for those that yearn to swim in the sea of BBW or any other preference. To be an enlightened and a totally happy citizen of the swing community, perhaps, we should remember that albeit the water is just dandy in the sea in the which we choose to swim that the water is just as dandy in the pools we are not predisposed to enjoy. If someone, decides, that they really want to swim in a different pool, well that is their preference and if being comfortable in the pool requires they make a few changes, then, perhaps, the best thing we can do is wish them well and support their decision. Choosing to change is after all a preference we all, should perhaps, respect and support.

member profiles - - [quote=EVILDOERS]Now now, CHEFFETTE. Don't get yourself in a tizzy. Remember your blood pressure. Also remember that some people don't consider SINGLES as swingers. They just consider it hooking up. Now make yourself a nice cup of Chamomile tea or a Xanax smoothie and take a little nap. You'll feel MUCH better and then you can rip those damned cheaters a new asshole all night long. [em]Emo_49[/em] [/quote] Seems to me they have all the asshole they could ever need. You're right that some singles (ahem, me) aren't considered swingers b/c they don't hook up w/ couples, but the context of this thread is a website for married people wanting to cheat.

I Have A Question - Poly vs. Open - We have found we are very flexible but with preferences. If we contact a couple and meet them for a drink or dinner and we have some great conversation and the attraction is there, it opens numerous possibilities. If we get naked the experience can range from OMG to let’s not go there again. Polyamory requires effort and commitment that we are not looking for, we want FWB that we can see when the timing works out. Not getting naked is ok also and sometimes we meet folks in the lifestyle that just become friends and not sexual partners. We try to keep it simple and never take it seriously and we have been fortunate to have a close group of friends who we enjoy being with. We also enjoy meeting new couples wherever we are. We enjoy events where we can meet other swingers like Naughty in Nawlins. We have had some incredible experiences and again just some so so experiences also. The point is we do not define ourselves as polyamory but we know what we like and we never consider the specifics of what it is besides swinging.

ok questions for you laytonites....or anyone... - most people know my part time job... - I'm really curious too. I have run into people at parties that I knew outside the lifestyle, and ran into people in the real world that we recognized from the site. I would like to know if any research has been done as too how many couples in Utah are swingers (or a member count for this site that diversifies states) and what percentage of couples are swingers (I'm guessing it has to be higher than people generally think because of my experiences. Perhaps 20%). Anybody hear of any documented research that answers either question.

sluts? what? - how so? - [quote=DELICIOUSLYWET][quote=SHADOWINGWHISPERS][quote=DELICIOUSLYWET]There is a book called "The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities" written by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy that defines Slut in a positive light. They might be using slut in that context. The book has been very popular with swingers for quite a few years. [/quote] I would hope they are using it in that sense.. but words that compile around the slut term make it strongly seem like it's a negative term.. sadly..[/quote] If they are using it in a derogatory sense it may be because they are experiencing a certain level of self loathing because they are struggling to accept their own sexual nature or they may have peers and family that would do their best to destroy them were they to live so free as you are. I think that the anger that leads to name calling and judgment sometimes is a secondary emotion that people choose to embrace because the primary emotion is much more painful. They may want what you have but lack the confidence or courage to go find it for themselves and so the same people that call someone a slut in the derogatory sense far too often are the same people that go off and struggle with their own sexuality in dark places through lying, cheating, abuse and even darker acts while swimming in a sea of self loathing. We should all jump up and down and be happy that you are free or striving to become free of such shackles![/quote] That makes sense.. I hope everyone can undo the shackles!! Great understanding..

Travel and first time - - Your comments make me wonder if you should be in this lifestyle at all. Controlling how close you get to someone is part of the territory. You solve that like any other problem by talking and making decisions togheter. One time threesomes are as often a flop as they are a thumbs up encounter. A lot depends on what you are looking for along that line. If you have never had one you may not even know exactly what you are looking for. The two of you need to sit down and discuss what you want to have happen. For some it is just the size of the dick while the opposite end of the spectrum is some skill and the two of you working together to give her an earth shaking experience. But, unless you are a minute man and pretty lousy in giving her what she needs in the bedroom I would not worry too much about it. But that is just me. If you are a stingy tight wad, or abuse her, or just a general putts and the two of you are always fighting then you might have a lot to fear. Swingers do get divorced but stats will show that there is just as much danger from someone in your neighborhood that you do not know about than there is from a swinging with a couple that you know. In general you will find that relationships in and out of this lifestyle are a funny and complex thing. There is no such thing as a typical relationship. In general, although someone might give up a bad marriage for a relationship with someone else that is a better spouse. it is rare that someone gives up a good marriage just for someone else that is just better in bed.