Selden Swingers in Kansas

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Single Males - - [quote=CTA313][quote=EVILDOERS] ...get a girl to join you....Not only do you now "bring more to the table", but you have the added credibility that if you can find and finesse a girl into joining you in this little adventure we call swinging (whether it be a girlfriend, a wife, a second cousin twice removed, or just a hot fwb) you might just not be a giant douchecopter.[/quote] Ignoring the need to "finesse" someone and unhealthy gender stereotypes in general, this line of reasoning is a little troubling as it presumes that a male's company is inherently worth less. Or that an absence of semi-romantic relationships somehow speaks poorly of his character. I personally think approaching someone whom you aren't already fairly close with and soliciting to go to a swingers party is a bit out of line. Especially if her company is sought as an accessory to demonstrate to others that he is not, as you say, “a douchecopter”. Call me old-fashioned. [quote=EVILDOERS] I know we can't be the only people who secretly wonder just a little bit about some single guys and why they aren't with somebody. Do they secretly hate women (yes, we've met some that actually do), are they just too lazy (or busy, maybe...but hey, we're all busy) to find someone, are they serial killers and/or just not very nice guys? [/quote] Oh, I hope you are! That's a really unfortunate outlook to have. Promising relationships take time to find, let alone build to the requisite amount of trust and stability to try things like this. In the mean time, I don't see anything wrong with someone pursuing their interests while still holding out for someone worthy of their emotional investment. To me, that behavior is quite attractive should be respected! It doesn't get any better than someone who is confident, self-actualized, and motivated to pursue their desires. Sadly, it sounds their gender influences whether this is seen as a desirable trait. I'm not sure how long you've been out of things (30 years?), but it's easy to forget the struggle when you're comfortable in a marriage. Things are more fluid. People don't feel the need to settle down like they used to. [quote=EVILDOERS]I know many will say they've tried and swinging is a deal breaker for most women. After almost 3 decades in the swinging trenches meeting and talking to other people, both couples and singles, we would disagree....many, if not most, women could eventually come around to the idea of swinging once they feel safe and secure in a relationship.[/quote] This is just confirmation bias if the evidence comes from a sample of people you have met while swinging. [quote=EVILDOERS]...those of us who DID put in all the blood, sweat, and tears into a relationship and allow it to grow to the point of daring (don't think for a second we aren't risking a LOT in opening up our relationships to other people!) to allow others access to our significant other sometimes wonder why some others want to take a shortcut to all the sweet swinging bennies with little or no risk on their own part.[/quote] If you're not comfortable sharing your wife with someone you might view as a potential competition, you definitely don't have to. On the other hand, there are a lot of people enjoy it :) This smacks of the old “you must suffer as I did” chestnut. [/quote] Yes, I agree, "finesse" was a poor choice of words. In my defense, I was at work and rather in a hurry to make a point...that apparently I didn't make well (and my attempts to also be humorous apparently fell flat too). Rereading my post it does smack a little of mild gender bias but I can assure you that it wasn't my intent in any way and most certainly is not my outlook on women, relationships or life in general. My intent was simply to advocate approaching swinging as a mutually desirable activity that two partners desire and share equally in. And not that it matters, but I've shared my wife with probably over a hundred men, married and single, and I've never thought of any of them as competition. But I never thought of swinging as "sharing" my wife either, but instead as her deciding to be sexual with another person and me being totally okay with her decision to do so. Sharing her, to me, almost denotes some sort of ownership or at very least some kind of permission that I would have to give. Both those ideas are not a part of our relationship. Perhaps the concept of "competition" in swinging interactions is a single male attitude? I don't know. And I didn't mean it in any way, shape, or form as a "you must suffer as I did" trope but simply as the idea that we invested a LOT of hard work and time making our marriage what it is and together deciding to risk opening it up to the excitement and also the possibility of harm that is swinging. I think, perhaps, that sometimes single people in the lifestyle don't quite understand the very real possibility of permanent damage (or worse) to the relationship that couples who swing are flirting with. For many (most?) of us, our marriages/relationships are THE most precious thing we have. What, if anything, are you risking? A bruised ego?

Meet and Greet - - [align=center][/align] Florida Swing Party San Carlos Lounge March 11, 2011 The Friendly Members Club A no pressure evening of fun! Meet new friends and make your promises, or meet at the hotel down the street :) Come to 18911 S. Tamiami Trail, Fort Myers (41), San Carlos Lounge from 9:00 p.m. till 1:30 a.m. This is a straight bar and It's Ok To Be Sexy! Sexy is fine in public, nude is not:) This is not like many other Meet and Greets you may go to. When you get there, come up to the DJ and tell him you are here for the party. Kimi will introduce you to the other swingers in the room so you won't have to sit there and try to guess who else may be in the LifeStyle :) Warning: They like their music loud at San Carlos, and smoking is allowed. We hope you will all sit at a large table to get to know each other! We'll be playing all genres of music and requests are welcomed as always! Drinks are very reasonable, and no cover charge, but please don't drink and drive. Come out to party and dance with us! If you want to get a motel room, the Springs Resort is nearby....only a couple minutes north of San Carlos Lounge. This is one of the motels we used to have our parties. Go to http://www.thespringsresort.com/ for all info. Or.....Upgrades: Holiday Inn Express Approx. 5.6 miles from San Carlos Lounge on I-75 at exit 123. Hampton Inn Suites Approx. 5.6 miles from San Carlos Lounge on I-75 at exit 123. Embassy Suites, Hilton Approx. 5.6 miles from San Carlos Lounge on I-75 at exit 123.

Great Article About Swinging! - Great Article About Swinging! - [quote=KARMICSUNRISE][url=http://www.5280.com/magazine/2010/11/sin-city?page=0,1] Swingers Article...[/url][/quote] There ya go Mav.

Swingers - a couples only lifestyle? - Are singles considered to be swingers? - T4 - I thought your response was spot-on (as close to definitive as possible). As other posters have indicated, getting common agreement on something like this is futile. Heck, there isn't even agreement among women as to whether bigger is better. Swinging is in the eyes of the beholder?

BUSTED! Your Kids Found Out Your Swingers. Now What? - - You deal with it and simply move on. Why must so many make life so complicated with over-thinking?

Are you more or less tolerant? - - We are probably the same as before we became swingers.. U have to be atractive, but we have learned douchiness comes in all shapes and sizes

Vegas next weekend - Clubs - Heading to Vegas next weekend. What is the best swing club to hit? We were thinking the swingers circle but wanted to get some opinions ;) thanks all

Singles who are married and cheating - - better get a cup of coffee cuz this is gonna be a long read: there are a few things you have to take into consideration when you decide to be in the swinging lifestyle. i think the biggest thing is finding out if your spouse is into it. most people, i think, go into a relationship knowing what their spouses boundries are. and then there are couples who evolve in their relationship and the more trust they have in their relationship, i would think it would be like a "coming out" of sorts. like..."hey, um...honey...the johnsons next door are having a party this weekend...and we were invited" "Really?" "Yeah, and i hear its one of THOSE kinda parties" "well, honey..we better wear our crotchless underwear" i dunno..something like that..like, at some point you decide that swinging is for you, right? or you go into a relationship knowing that swinging is an option. buuuuuuuuuuuutttttt... if you go into a relationship knowing that swinging is definetly not what your spouse is into or in the evolution of your relationship you decide swinging is right for you, and your spouse isnt into it, and under no circumstance is it ok....then, in my humble opinion, you arent in the lifestyle. now, if you come to some sort of open relationship agreement if your spouse isnt into it but agrees to let you get some strange, fine. if you take it upon yourself to sign up for a swinging website behind your spouses back, hook up with couples behind your spouses back, then YOU ARE CHEATING! if you are cheating, then you are just asking for trouble: 1. you are being dishonest 2. you are bringing your drama into someone elses life whether they know it or not. what happens if the wife finds out and shows up at your house party with a shotgun? 3. what happens if you get an s.t.d.? you bring that home with you to your spouse, and if you have them, your children. even if you use condoms you can still get s.t.d.'s, its happened. 4. when your spouse does find out, and they will...you are humiliating them in front of their friends, family, job...cuz somehow they all find out. that leads me to believe you have no regard for someone elses feelings so why would i want to swing with you? 5. you are giving other single people, male or female, a bad name and reputation. 6. you are giving swingers in general a bad name and reputation. jenn and i are honest with each other. we are not in a place where we are gonna swing separate, we communicate and talk things out so we have a full understand of where eachother is at, at any given moment. if jenn or i didnt want to swing anymore, or if we wanted a break from it, we talk about it. we arent perfect by any means, but we do our best to consider eachothers feelings in this lifestyle. we dont invite drama into our lives so i would have to say...no, we dont swing with someone who is cheating on their spouse. we would both suggest that if you feel the need to cheat that you should either talk it out with your spouse and seek external help or if you dont think that will help, you should consider ending the relationship. this is all just our opinion. we know its easier written or said than done. but if you arent happy with your spouse, why would you drag them down with this? communicate..compromise...talk it out..but dont be a cheater, cuz its not cool. brandon

Issues at New Yorker…how do we fix them? - - Until an alternative arrives on the scene, perhaps just designating a couple of coffee shops along the Wasatch as swinger gathering places would at least give "swingers" a chance to meet face to face. Granted, you could not dress in lingerie, there would be no playroom, and you would have to have a way to self-identify. We are not full-on poly people, that are looking to fall in love, and establish something possibly as permanent as our marriage, but we do enjoy getting a bit smitten, and have quite a few friends who are full-on poly. Poly groups do this, and we used to meet with a group that met a Sunrise Coffee, and it was fun! We made friends. Good honest sober conversations. This group had a couple of designated nights. Maybe, the swinging lifestyle community could do something similar. No worries about getting raided.

Secret Swingers Club Ogden, UT - Clubs - Anyone going tonight?