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A fine line. - - Trying to stick to the OP intent here.
[quote=CARRIERMANANDGEEKGIRL][quote=EVILDOERS] we often find it difficult to walk the fine line between being nice, polite, and social with other people when we do not actually feel an attraction to them. If we had a week at desires it would be easier to be nice and talk with everyone. However adult hours are not easy to come by so we do find this line hard. My wife will talk with a friendly person or couple the whole night. Even if the couple is in some committed deal. I have been working
on getting her to direct her time on couples she can see us doing something mor. Or limit the time she spends and move along.
Do you at some point just say honestly that while they are nice it just ain't gonna happen?
We only feel this is needed it they ask us if we want to get a room. At that time you just have to say something and it is never easy.
Do you make some sort of lame excuse and beat a hasty retreat hoping they will get the hint? Do you move on to another couple that you are attracted to and look annoyed when the first couple follows you around all night. Of course some people just won't take a hint or take "no" for an answer and for those you DO have to be blunt.
This is one method that does seem to work. It is easier if you do it early on in the timeline like the first 5 mins or less.
So what techniques do y'all use in situations like this? How do you be nice to others without necessarily encouraging them?
[b]Seriously? I mean, you don't know how to interact with others and carry on a conversation without having them believe you want to hop in the sack with them?[/b]
Its not that easy.. How do you walk over to a couple and start to talk to them at a swingers party and not have them think you want the Mor?
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Meeting new swingers? - Where to meet them? - You may not believe this but the food court in a shopping mall is a great place. No putting on aires, no dress up no reservations totally relaxed and neutral atmosphere and if they don't show go shopping. It really works... Discovered the idea about 3 years ago.... We generally go to a mall that is big enough to support a food court... and one that both parties know or close to one of the parties....Hey if we haven't been there before there's that many new stores for her to explore if there is a no show.. Who knows, there may be a bass pro shop or a golf shop in the mall...
Ray
STD/STI Testing - - Actually it was closer to 1981 When HIV became aware to the medical community in the US if that is what you meant by that 1989 date. http://www.avert.org/aids-history-america.htm
HIV and HSV are the two nasties that should be of most concern for most swingers as they are incurable and HIV can be deadly. Both are costly in terms of lifelong medications but also in quality of life. They will be with you FOREVER!
HSV can pass by something as simple as a kiss and or oral.
Do clean test results mean something? YEs and No! Mathematically speaking the risk is related to a pyramid factorial equation. Meaning, for each new partner you have that is untested you are basically adding in the risk of not just that one person (Primary) but all the persons they have been with (secondary) and all the partners that those secondary people have been with etc etc.. HIV has been know to take up to 6 months of lag time from exposure to when it shows up on a test but 90 days is normally considered the standard waiting period. So any primary partner you play with who has been with someone in the past 90 days before they were tested still could have given HIV to you.
Granted HIV is rare. But HSV is not!
HSV cant take 2-3 weeks to show up on test results.
70-80% of the population will test pos for HSV as there are many folks who have the mouth cold sore HSV 1. To keep it simple sometimes in the testing HSV 1 really shows up as HSV2.. SO sometimes this means if you do test positive for HSV 2 it is really only HSV1. This is one reason Planned Parenthood will try to talk you out of this 160$ test
One more thing to add. Most people still think as long as they dont have an open HSV 2 genital herpes outbreak they are good to go. This has been found to not be true. There is a relatively new phenomenon recognized in the scientific community called Viral shedding.
http://herpes-coldsores.com/viral_shedding.htm
Another worry that is rare but possible and I know of a recent case where a person gave someone Oral herpes HSV1 to the genital area of another person.
There is also Chlamydia that everyone almost laughs off because a single dose of meds will cure it! The sad thing is if you got CHLAM you could have got HSV or HIV also as they run together. TO explain this if your had a partner that gave you Chlamydia they could have just as eaisly have given you some other things.
SO what is the safest thing to do. No play with anyone other than your main partner.
But if that is not what you wish then:
The safest thing would be for both Prospective couples to stay monogamous for 90 days and then get tested.
This is all true to the best of my studies but anyone please feel free to correct me.
Respect...Needed? or just forgotten. - - The various points that have been made are well taken.
We have been approached by people who are rude or crass. Typically it is a single male, often married pretending to be single or the de facto single male -- half of a vanilla couple pretending to be a swinging couple.
I have several observations:
This single male is far more likely to be a trial member.
They have little or no real knowledge of swinging and it shows.
They don\'t expect to be invited to join the couple or single female they approach.
They simply find a cheap thrill in the crass sexaulity of the rude note they send.
(I suspect they type them with one hand.)
If given the oportunity (which their approach itself precludes) they would not play.
Don\'t confuse them with the polite & respectful single males that are a part of swinging.
We jokingly refer to them as hard-ons. They think because they once had a hard on -- they are qualified to swing. My FAVORITES are the ones that will \"let you watch\" or \"don\'t mind if you joins in\" as if somehow by their offer alone -- Belinda becomes theirs.
You will see them at the clubs. Somehow they come up with the courage to go to a swingers club that allows single males. They are the males that hide in a corner too afraid to approach anyone or they are the males that come into the room with attitude written all over them -- as if saying \"I paid my fees -- who do I get to fuck\".
If he is found out, the male half of the vanilla couple will stamp and stammer and claim that either he has his wife\'s permission or that she is cold and he is not getting any at home. Given their approach to sex. I have figured out, at least in part, why they are not getting any at home.
I was raised by a very southern, very polite, Daughters of the Confederacy -- mother. Thus I had to endure the suffering born of numerous catillions or formal dances. Everyone knew everyone at the dances. Everyone knew that everyone was there to dance. But you went through the rituals of an introduction and small talk -- prior to dancing. While this analogy ignores the aspects of friendship that are a part of swinging. I have found that the manners I learned at my mothers knee have served me well in swinging. (Don\'t ya know that would shock the hell out of her!)
Why so much hate in the swingers world... - - Hmmm...ULUV - are you a submissive?
Heheh...we LOVE subs.
Same room only? - Our new approach - Actually, you're sort of lucky that people who wrote you back try to talk you into doing more at that early juncture instead of the all too common ploy where they think they can convince you to do more once you're all getting ready to play or actually playing.
It all comes down to a matter of respect and a lot of swingers, sadly, are just too concerned about their own desires and agenda and think they can persuade you to go beyond your rules and limits once you see how amazingly hot they are and realize how utterly lucky you are to be able to be with them at all. Yes, that last little part was sarcasm.
Swinging and LS questions - Resources for success - People who tend to do well in their closest relationships and other social interactions overall, probably do well as swingers. Swinging includes sex, which is a powerful interaction, physically and emotionally. Having sex with someone can have all sorts of long lasting positive and negative effects. Most of us really want to express our sexuality, and we hold it dear, so we tend to evaluate people a bit differently, if we are considering having sex with them. Perhaps the stakes are a bit higher, even if the sex is no strings attached. The rewards and the risk are elevated.
There are a lot of great resources available, to help people learn how to communicate and interact with each other, more effectively. They apply to human interactions within our community where we do take a few more risk in search of more reward. Obviously, we can all learn from other peoples experience. So if there are successful swingers, that are providing their insights and support through the media, why not look into it? Enlightenment is fun and is often a free standing reward. Enlightenment and discovery, gained through shared experience with a lover, perhaps leaves everyone involved stronger and happier. Stronger happier people make for stronger happier communities.
Age - New to the swingers community - is age a factor in how a couple is viewed? - Age is not a factor for us but in our experiences it seems people tend to migrate with the same age group, mostly because of commonalities like music, movies and events of the times.
Game ON....which sign is Hornier...(is that a word?) - zodiac signs of swingers? - wife in gemini...husband is leo
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