Why Should We Swing?

People who for the first time learn about the swinging lifestyle often assume that there has to be something wrong in a relationship within a couple for them to become swingers. Ironically, the truth is completely the opposite. This lifestyle is ONLY for couples that are happy, committed and secure in their relationships.

So, what makes this lifestyle so special and why does a growing number of modern couples decide to start swinging? The fact is that there is nothing different about the people who participate in the lifestyle. What's different is the way they go about exploring their fantasies and sexuality.

Sex used to be something that only people who are deeply in love, and most of the time married, were supposed to share. One of the newly realized realities of our society today is the fact that most people can now separate love and sex. Sex is becoming something more of a leisure activity, if you will, rather than an experience shared only with your soulmate. Does this mean that sex is no longer a physical expression of love? Of course not - it still is! We still reserve "love making" only for the ones we love. However, recreational sex is becoming something that can be detached from an actual relationship and enjoyed as an entirely separate activity.

Another new reality of modern society is the fact that many people do require sexual variety to live fully enjoyable sex lives. It is no secret that most modern marriages are challenged by adultery or end up in divorce. We've all heard the statistics. Does it mean we don't love our partners or don't want them as much sexually any more? Absolutely not! "Different" doesn't mean "better". For example, when one looks at someone of the opposite sex other than his or her partner, it is not in search of something better. By looking at someone different, we find excitement in exploring their body shapes, moves, sexuality - it's all very new, different and, therefore, exciting. Variety is what makes many people excited and the lust for it is here to stay.

One of the other newly accepted parts of our sex lives are our fantasies. By definition, they are our sexual desires, which many times do NOT include our partners (or at least not JUST them). Even well-recognized sex therapists have concluded that sexual fantasies are healthy and are here to stay as a part of almost any relationship.

So, what are the choices that modern couples face today if they are seeking some variety or spice in their sex lives? Well, there are several options. One is to suppress your feelings and keep going in denial. That is the approach that works on the surface. Everything looks great - you are a traditional "happy" couple who wants to be with no one else but each other. (Oh, how sweet!) But the fact of the matter is that you are lying not only to yourself, but also to your partner. By suppressing your feelings you are not getting rid of them, but many times you actually make them stronger. So there go the trust and communication that few relationships can survive without. The second choice is something that quite a few people choose as a way out - adultery. Even though in this case you do get to satisfy your desires, you once again end up without those two main ingredients of any strong relationship that we just talked about. The third choice is something that has only recently been discovered by mainstream couples - swinging. It is a lifestyle that not only keeps the trust and communication between the two partners - it requires both of those qualities to participate.

The swinging lifestyle is about sharing sexual fantasies together with your partner ("together" being the keyword). This is a lifestyle that can only work for committed couples that are secure in their relationships and have open and direct communication with each other.

Another misunderstanding about the lifestyle is the myth that swingers are people who sleep with everyone they meet in the lifestyle and do it as often as they can. That couldn't be further from the truth. As a matter of fact, most couples are not what we call "hardcore swingers". There are different levels of participation in the lifestyle. Some couples only like to watch others having sex, some only like to be watched, some only like to have sex with their partners in the same room as other couples (soft swap), and some couples do enjoy having sex with other people (full swap). The level of participation is something that is decided by both partners and is usually discussed before any lifestyle event.