Setting Expectations for Ongoing Relationships

Questions to Discuss

Before establishing an ongoing connection, have explicit conversations about:

Frequency & Availability

• How often will you see each other?
• Who initiates? Is it always the couple?
• What happens during busy periods or vacations?

Communication Between Meetings

• How much texting or calling is appropriate?
• Is flirty communication okay between dates?
• Who communicates—one spouse, both, or either?

Exclusivity Boundaries

• Are you still seeing other people?
• Does the outside partner see other couples?
• What does "exclusive" actually mean here?

Relationship Hierarchy

• Is the marriage always primary?
• What happens if the spouse needs to end things?
• How are conflicts between relationships handled?

The Importance of Check-Ins

Feelings change. What felt right at the start may need adjustment six months in. Schedule regular check-ins—both with your spouse and with your outside partner—to assess:

Is everyone still happy with the arrangement?
Have feelings grown or changed unexpectedly?
Do boundaries need to be adjusted?
Is anyone feeling neglected or overwhelmed?

Write It Down

Consider creating a shared document or agreement that outlines expectations. It may feel formal, but it ensures everyone remembers what was discussed and agreed upon. This is especially helpful when emotions are involved.