Ending Ongoing Relationships
How to gracefully conclude an exclusive or long-term connection.
Key takeaways
- •All relationships—even good ones—can run their course
- •The marriage takes priority if it's being negatively affected
- •End with respect and kindness when possible
- •Allow everyone time to process the change
When It's Time
Sometimes ongoing relationships need to end. Common reasons include:
- Feelings have grown beyond what's comfortable for the marriage
- One spouse no longer enjoys the arrangement
- Life circumstances have changed (moving, kids, work)
- The outside partner wants more than you can offer
- The connection has simply run its course
How to End Respectfully
Be Direct But Kind
Don't ghost someone you've had an ongoing relationship with. Have an honest conversation—ideally in person or via video call—about ending things.
Give a Reason (If Appropriate)
You don't owe a detailed explanation, but some context helps. "We need to focus on our marriage right now" or "circumstances have changed" is often sufficient.
Allow for Feelings
The outside partner may be hurt or disappointed. That's natural. Allow space for those feelings without trying to "fix" them. Closure takes time.
Processing Within Your Marriage
Ending an outside relationship can bring up complex feelings even if it was the right decision:
- Grief for what the relationship was
- Relief that things are simpler
- Guilt about hurting the outside partner
- Uncertainty about the future of your lifestyle participation
Give yourselves time to process. The end of one chapter doesn't mean the end of your lifestyle journey.
Marriage First
If an outside relationship is threatening your marriage, ending it is the right call—even if it hurts. The lifestyle should enhance your primary relationship, not endanger it. You can always explore again later with different dynamics or boundaries.
Take the next step
Put what you have learned into practice. Join Swingular to connect with a real, verified community.
Join Swingular free