I Thought I Was Okay With It-But Afterward I Wasn't
Processing regret or discomfort that arises after consenting to an experience.
Pontos-chave
- •Consent given doesn't prevent later regret
- •Unexpected feelings deserve attention and care
- •This doesn't mean you made a 'bad' decision
- •Processing together is essential for moving forward
The Scenario
Lisa genuinely felt ready for separate-room play. She discussed it with her husband Jake, they set rules, and she gave enthusiastic consent. The experience itself was fine-even enjoyable in the moment.
But the next morning, Lisa felt terrible. Waves of guilt, shame, and disconnection washed over her. She couldn't understand why-she had wanted this. She felt like she couldn't tell Jake because she didn't want to seem like she was blaming him.
What Went Wrong
- Lisa assumed consent in the moment would equal comfort afterward
- She didn't allow for the possibility of complex post-experience emotions
- Shame about her feelings prevented open communication
- She suffered alone instead of sharing with Jake
A Healthier Approach
- ✓ Acknowledge that post-experience feelings can be different from in-the-moment feelings
- ✓ Tell Jake: "I'm having unexpected feelings and need to process them"
- ✓ Give herself permission to feel without judgment
- ✓ Discuss adjustments before trying again (or deciding not to)
The Lesson
Consenting to something and feeling 100% good afterward aren't the same thing. Our emotional responses can surprise us. Having regret or discomfort doesn't mean you made a wrong decision-it means you're human and still learning what works for you.
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