Ending Ongoing Relationships

When It's Time

Sometimes ongoing relationships need to end. Common reasons include:

Feelings have grown beyond what's comfortable for the marriage
One spouse no longer enjoys the arrangement
Life circumstances have changed (moving, kids, work)
The outside partner wants more than you can offer
The connection has simply run its course

How to End Respectfully

Be Direct But Kind

Don't ghost someone you've had an ongoing relationship with. Have an honest conversation—ideally in person or via video call—about ending things.

Give a Reason (If Appropriate)

You don't owe a detailed explanation, but some context helps. "We need to focus on our marriage right now" or "circumstances have changed" is often sufficient.

Allow for Feelings

The outside partner may be hurt or disappointed. That's natural. Allow space for those feelings without trying to "fix" them. Closure takes time.

Processing Within Your Marriage

Ending an outside relationship can bring up complex feelings even if it was the right decision:

Grief for what the relationship was
Relief that things are simpler
Guilt about hurting the outside partner
Uncertainty about the future of your lifestyle participation

Give yourselves time to process. The end of one chapter doesn't mean the end of your lifestyle journey.

Marriage First

If an outside relationship is threatening your marriage, ending it is the right call—even if it hurts. The lifestyle should enhance your primary relationship, not endanger it. You can always explore again later with different dynamics or boundaries.