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What would you do? - what does a person do when their spouse no longer wishes to paticipate - Well.
How amazing that the "couple in question" just happens to be in my home town. And my wife and I are at a serious impasse about the same subject, but in the "traditional direction" i.e. I still want it. She still doesn't.
I'm... very surprised that a bunch of Swingers are so unanimous that "No trumps yes": that swinging is just something you do - but are ashamed of enough that any "no" in the group instantly defines the partner's life as well. Why isn't "yes" just as valid?
In our case, we've been married for over 25 years. We've had a very-good run. Our children are grown and gone. We're financially comfortable. And we're still physically capable - as we watch our parents be physically unable to walk, hear, see, pee, or do much of anything to enjoy *anything* - the point there being that I hear the clock ticking and to me, this is THE time of life to reap one's reward for the life one has lead - before it's too late to do anything but try to keep breathing.
And for me, being honest, the ONE thing that is my reward - is erotic fun. Let me be clear that what I crave is *erotic fun* - not just madly try to find someone new to fuck and never see again - but partners who want to wallow in the erotic experience of "Truth or Dare" and Lifestyle conventions and teasing and games. That's IT for me. That's why "doing it" is called "doing IT". And I've been a great husband/father/responsible citizen for over 50 years. And I feel that there isn't anything else in my life that really gives me a "reason for living".
And my wife, bless her, just has never had any passion. She enjoys it when I have sex with her. When I give her a nice massage followed by 3 or 4 orgasms. But she's happy with twice a month or less. And she had no need at all for my "erotic experiences". So here we are. And over the last 10 years we've tried pretty-much every possibility: traditional fidelity, me cheating, us swinging, me swinging alone with her permission... and it always ultimately winds up that the only way she is not *miserable* is if I'm following "traditional fidelity". And the only way I'm not miserable - is if I have the freedom to pursue erotic associations.
Now. If my passion were bowling, there wouldn't be a problem. If her passion were gardening or shoe shopping, there wouldn't be a problem. Everybody would just tell us to do our thing without the other - and enjoy what we *do* enjoy together. But somehow sex is THE one that we have to do *together* or not at all.
So we're very very seriously trying to figure out if we'd both be happier by tearing up a marriage and going our separate ways.
We can all *say* that whoever does NOT want to swing - rules the day, but imagine whatever your very-favorite thing is to do. Then imagine your spouse telling you: "I don't like to do that, so WE won't ever do that and You won't do it without me - and you won't do it alone, either - ever again". Now what?
thoughts on Pictures - - I have to agree that just a genital shot for an opener is not very good. But I have also seen face shots that look like mug shots and sure are not much more interesting. Come on, this is a SWINGERS site!!! After all the object is to promote our involvement in this lifestyle. Our profile and pics are supposed to tell something about us. My wife likes to pose, and I enjoy taking her pictures. We try to use pics that show how we feel, or how we want to be precieved in the lifestyle. We get lots of feed back telling how they like her smile, or how we look like a fun couple. It makes us feel good that people enjoy what we have to share with them.
Some people have no pics at all, others have one, or just a few dull shots, or the close up genital shots. Put something into your albums, and you will get more out of this site, and maybe this lifestyle. Thats my opinion.
May 2014 Swinger's Cruise out of Los Angeles - Mexican Riviera Cruise for Swingers. - Looking for any Swingular members who are going to be on the cruise. It would be nice to know some couples prior to going.
A&E New show about swingers... - neighbors with benefits.... - [quote=SWINGAIRS][quote=KIDSATPLAY]Why would any industry sponsor shows about the positive side of Swinging? I doubt there is any big money in promoting the swing lifestyle any more than there is profit to singing the praises of plural marriage. The vice industry might even suffer financially should swinging really catch on. This is a lifestyle that must eat the crumbs that fall from the gay lesbian table to acquire any "me to" acceptance. It seems like social and financial suicide for the deep pockets.[/quote]
They had a swinger pride parade in new Orleans this year. Maybe in 20 years we can have a table too.[/quote]Except that's a false equivalency; swinging is a choice people make. No one is born as a swinger. This is like comparing wearing contacts to having green eyes; one chooses to wear contacts, one doesn't choose to be born w/ green eyes.
real members? - - I think you need to grow a new sense about people. Do you feel confortable with them over the net before you do anything. Do they seem to be real.. Can they spell simple words, is their grammer adult, how do they phrase things. Many times one can ascertain quite a lot by how and what someone says. Then we have kind of an unwritten rules:
1. Talk with people via the medium .. IM... the site we're on email and give no personal info until you feel that the people are at least stable.
2. Don't meet people or find people over an hour or so driving time
3 Meet very informally... We've found that a mall with a food court is a great place to meet. If the other couple fail to show take the misses shopping...
4. Once you meet you can exchange phone numbers or addresses as you feel comfortable doing. Maybe after the informal meeting meet at a local swingers club or dinner or bowling...what ever works to make sure they are a good match....and trustworthy.
5. The fun is open and go for the gold...
As for certifying couples... what does it mean other than there are really 2 people on the other end of that computer unless it is done by your peers who have met and or played with you. Certification is about as valued as is the pictures on a web-site. They could be the people or maybe they aren't who they say they are...
Ray
Curious Question - - Hi all, my hubby and I are going to be moving from DC to Reno, NV. very soon. From what Chris has told me is that there is not alot out there as far as "Big" cities that we are used too. SO... I was just curious as to why there are so many Swingers in the general Salt Lake City area. and don't get me wrong, there appear to be LOTS of exemptionally beautiful people out there, so its just a curious question for the uninitated. Thanx for the time.:p
Donte and bre - Hot swingers - Iām not even sure wtf that said ... or why it was said š
Polyamorous Couple - Seeking girlfriend for husband - I (Mr. DandDMontreal) have not had any luck finding other poly people on this site as it's predominantly frequented by swingers (great for when we want to swing!). I have had a tiny bit of luck on OKCupid and I have found a lot of poly people on fetlife.com but online dating is generally terrible for poly men. I have had pretty good luck with attending poly events like poly cocktails and the most luck just generally being open about my poly in everyday life (not an option for everyone). Checkout https://utahpoly.org/ for details on poly events.
Kik group for UT swingers. - Contact me if your interested in joining a KIK group for Swingers - How do I join?
MARDI GRAS - is it to soon? - the sign left out swingers........
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