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Why Hide Your Faces? - Don't you realize you're smarter than everyone else? - I do like your view of things and I get it, but if there's anywhere to advertise it's here. I'm not telling people to sporadically start telling the world they're swingers; you'll end relationships. Like after telling my wife, knowing the outcome, not telling her sisters how we were during their vacation together. She did, ending both relationshits—one in divorce and the other broke up & moved out. I asked what she told them and it was one line I knew hurt their little traditional relationship minds. "He just said he's not trying to take my 20s away and saying I have to sleep with him and only him is unrealistic". Like I said, it's dangerous expressing the lifestyle. Why? Because it makes more sense than todays definition of love. I'm trying to think if ever a conversation came up toward me having to explain how I am, and none exist other than me telling my mom, "I know the secret to mankind" having to explain.
The Vent part II - Secrecy - I once heard it put *I dont grow potatos where I get my meat*, I prefer to say *I dont play in my own backyard*.
I know... I'm just one of *those* single men.
You know, it doesnt sound like you give your *vanilla* friends much credit. You assume *they* would not enjoy a local *off premise* swingers club. Have you ever sat your vanilla friends down and talk to them (feel them out so to speak), to see if they are looking for ways to *spice* up their relationship?
I've taken many *vanilla* women to the local swinger clubs. Ok, so some wont go back, but others are like *wow, that was fun!! I'm not into swinging and swapping, but these people are great!*
Here in the Dallas / Ft Worth area, the lifestyle is HOT and happening! There are at least 7 off premise clubs, and as many on premise clubs. Plus many swingers in the area prefer going to the *vanilla* clubs to pick up men, women, and other couples.
In MHO, IF, and I say IF, you go to a swinger club hoping/looking/expecting to pick up someone, I feel you've gone for the wrong reason. Go to have fun, meet new people, network, and IF you find someone at the club you enjoy being with, then I'm sure *as they say here in Texas* ya'll are going to have some swapping fun....
And yes, I have been part of a couple, with a few different women. Why am I not still a couple with any of them? They seem to start really getting into the lifestyle, and then they realize they're having too much fun, and scare themselves out of it.
Oh yeah, and I'm the asshole single male, the most unwanted animal in the lifestyle. lol
What really defines a TRUE swinger? - - [quote=SHAZAMER]Other people may or may not define you as a swinger. But in your heart, you define yourself as a swinger. And really, who gives a fuck what anyone else thinks? I love single swingers. I love married swingers. I love hot sexy snooty swingers. I just want you to love me too...... with your sex parts. ;)
Nibbles & Licks,
Monika [/quote]
Suddenly I'm a little turned on. :D
xox
Tammy
Finding Connections - Do the majority of swingers wait to be approached? - The connections we have mainly made have been though partys we have found here. Other than that it's hit and miss with searching and sending messages and friend request, (please at least send a message if you are sending a friend request).
That has been our limited experience. We would love to know how to make more connections, if anyone has any suggestions.
real members? - - You've struck on an interesting topic. I call them cyber swingers. They are swinger wanna be's . They find the thought of swinging erotic and interesting but they don't have the balls to actually get involved in the lifestyle. They like to hide behind the safety of their computer screen. They'll exchange email with you as long as you're willing or dumb enough to keep writing them. They'll never actually meet you or anyone else. That would be way too personal and would force them to crawl out from behind the security of their computer. Or you ocasionally run into the single guy that has created this fictional "couple". It's all a big game for him. He's just there to collect photos or maybe trick someone into playing with him because his wifes is "unavailable " at the moment. Whatever their game they're all the same because they both violate the principles of honesty and trust that the lifestyle revolves on.
We get email all the time from couples that "have read your profile--think you guys are great and want to get to know you better". That generally sends off alarm bells for us. We'll respond and exchange an email or two. If the other couple doesn't have pics posted or pics of just one of them we ask for additional photos in the first email. Since we have good pics of both of us in our profile we never send any other pics other than those posted. If we get the "don't have any pics of him or he's camera shy or don't have a camera yet" or any one of the other lame excuses we've gotten over the past year or so--that's it--you're done as far as we're concerned. We'll give out our cell phone number right away and tell them to call us or give us theirs and we'll call them. We want to speak to both of them. If we can't because one's not there we'll call back at a more convenient time when we can talk to both of them. If everything seems ok during the conversation we'll make a date to meet at a convenient restaurant or club and take things from there. This seems to work well for us. It tends to weed out the "cyber swinger" right away.
John & Colleen
Bogeys Nightclub in Clearfield - A Habits style club for northern swingers? - We agree, a lifestyle friendly hangout in Davis county would be awesome! I know there are a lot of people up this way in the lifestyle that could use a place to meet others in a casual setting. I remember when Bogey's was packed every Friday and Saturday night, but now it is empty. Sounds like a great opportunity to "take over" the scene. Anyone interested?
Sexy swingers closer to our age - 20-30 year old sexy swingers - 30/38. We have chatted a little in the past. We are active.
Preconceived Ideas - - we had the same kind of realization.... once we figured out that 'swingers' were mostly just regular people with a spicy side hobby, we felt much more comfortable.
We still are hoping to stumble into the 'non-stop orgies'
Identifying Swingers! - Lots of talk and now some action! :) - Suz,
I think you are correct. Now that I look again, you have to study it a bit to really see what it is. I like it. Perhaps they should implement a color-coded gem to denote lifestyle participation. Pink and Blue to denote single female and single male. Perhaps red for a couple???
-D-
Ways to point out Swingers in public - - The problem with the whole black ring thing is twofold. First, many people wear them now who aren't even close to being swingers. We see the silicone versions at the gym fairly often because you can lift with them without hurting your finger and I have at least half a dozen vanilla friends who wear black wedding bands (albeit on their left hands).
Second, if black rings for swingers (or ANY other surefire way to ID other swingers) ever really caught on it would quickly become common knowledge and most swingers would prefer their little hobby stay discreet and not public knowledge to their friends, family, and coworkers.
We were once at a lifestyle hotel takeover in San Diego and they issued wristbands to the guests. It took approximately two hours for the entire hotel staff to figure out what the wristbands meant (they were color-coded for sexual preference) and by the next morning you could walk to the adjacent mall and restaurants and people would look at you then immediately look down at your wrist and smile or even laugh and stare. People started trying to hide their wristbands and a few even removed them because they didn't enjoy the attention.
And all this was before social media became a thing. How long do you think it would take nowadays for black rings, or whatever, to become common knowledge? Don't get me wrong. I would LOVE a foolproof way to know who else is a swinger as I walk down the street but swinging is still looked down upon by most other people in the world and most swingers still don't want their private sex lives exposed to the world.
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