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We have heard about it many times........... - Couples that are swingers - It's unfortunate that you've had this happen to you, and apparently twice with the same couple, no less?
While unfortunate, it's also par for the course. Perhaps one of the most cliche and over-used phrases we see appear on profiles is "drama free", and we always take that with a grain of salt.
The truth is there is no such thing as 100% drama or issue-free couples.
Even if they insist on their drama-free status, we also realize that we are all human, and these things are bound to happen from time to time.
The key is not to find the ideal couple but to find the couple that deals with life (swinging) ideally. Find couples that are efficient and adept at dealing with issues between themselves, and are not so selfish to let things get as far as the bedroom before unresolved issues they have in regards to swinging arise during play.
We've had a few situations like that...and they've always been deal-breakers for us. We simply don't have fun if we have to work that hard at making something happen.
However, as a consequence, we've become very successful at filtering and weeding out those couples from the get-go. It's really not that challenging, because there is so much that you can read from people simply by observing them, their body language, how they interact with each other, how they compose themselves while you talk about a potential play dates with you, etc.
Even if they're not inclined to be verbally honest up front with you two in a direct fashion, it's typically obvious in their behavior what their true expectations are.
Asking direct questions about expectations has been mentioned and is always an excellent idea. We've found little things along the way that we take for granted as being non-issues for us are actually huge issues for other couples.
Preferences for foreplay, whether or not kissing is allowed, and if so...kissing with tongue. What about oral, is that acceptable? You see, for us they are acceptable, but we must establish that they are with other couples.
We've also found that more drama tends to be centered around the males in couples (sorry fellas).
I'm not stereotyping here, but this has been our experience. We've had more than our fair share of guys that are ok with everything from girl on girl play, to my girl on him play, to both girls on him play, but once his gal plays one on one with another male besides him....oh Lord, the drama starts!
Swinging has been one of the funnest decisions we've made, cuz we've made it that way, and we elect to avoid the drama at all costs, and that keeps things light and fresh. We know for every couple or bad experience we come across, there are 10 more good ones just around the corner. :)
~J~
asking your swinger friend if you can join them. - - "I am not in the lifestyle and don't think I ever really fully would be"
"K USSIR your not a swinger but you wanna have sex with you friends wife with your friend there? HMMMMMMM I smell a swinger in the making"
Naw, I smell a single guy who just wants to get laid. If you aren't really interested in swinging just leave it alone and get your jollies elsewhere. There are plenty of ways for you to get your rocks off in bars and clubs and on Craigslist. It's your VERY common SM attitude that makes it tough for the very few single guys who get it and really want to be part of the lifestyle. No wonder so many people constantly say that singles aren't really swingers. But don't worry. You aren't alone. We've met TONS of single dudes over the years who've admitted that they would NEVER allow their wife (if they ever got married) to fuck another man. Swinging is an attitude and a mindset. A guy who would let you fuck his wife is risking a lot and sharing with you the most important thing in his life. If you can't grasp that concept you should just stay home and jerk it to online porn.
We have heard about it many times........... - Couples that are swingers - Again, the intent of this post wasn't to obsess over this one bad time. It was to express our feelings and frustration. The advice everyone has shared with us is very helpful. We just want to avoid this kind of situation in the future. Realistically we do realize that we will come across this sort of thing again but atleast now we will be better prepared to deal with it. We will do things differently next time. Hopefully any simiular couples reading this will also choose not to contact us and the ones that are on our level will.
We thought this was educational and should explain a lot about s - keep an open mind. Swingers are spiders. Each to their own unique ways! - You can learn a lot of about swinging from Monkey's as well. If they get it...then we have no problems at all. Be the animal within!!! haha
Sexy swingers closer to our age - 20-30 year old sexy swingers - 30m, currently single but with unicorn and couple friends I do things with. When there isn't a pandemic going on I usually host a monthly-ish naughty game night for our core group plus anybody we find who wants to join us. Group is usually mid-twenties to mid-thirties age-wise, with a leaning towards dancers and nerds. Let me know if you want an invite down the road :)
Girls that are into DP - How common is this activity among the swingers? - The wife loves DP might have to try the DVP thing!!!!
New to swingular!!!!! - - My husband and i are new swingular and i was just woundering if you fellow swingers can give some pointers on how to get people ot talk to you:q
Any feed back would be great..
Las Vegas - Swingers clubs ect. - If you're adventurous there's always The Green Door or the Red Rooster.
Combining Lifestyle & Non-Lifestyle Friends - - [quote=SLCJEEPER]Ah, good topic AC! We're happy to have met many people here that we now consider good close friends that we don't have to hide from when we see them at the mall while we're out with our kids. LoL! It's nice to find those who can be vanilla because our whole life isn't about swinging. So, yes, we have had success in blending swingers into our vanilla lifestyle and we hope to find more:)
Joe & Debbi
[/quote]guess we've been lucky too! We've found a number of friends who we are able to see in a "vanilla" setting, as well....and never had to worry about any "beans" gettin' spilled...
As every profile says..."discreation is a must........"
Cuming out of the Swinger closet - - After some time in the lifestyle, we have recently started to break the news to some of our close friends that we are swingers.
We have great friends and so far they have taken the information really well. However, we have other friends that would never want to hear it, and god forbid if we ever told our family about it.
What are everyone else's thoughts about coming out of the "Swinger" closet?
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