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beer helping ugly people have sex since 1862.lol
My girlfriend told me I needed to be more affectionate...so I got a second girlfriend!
Children in the backseat causes accident....accidents in the backseat causes children>>>>>>>>>>>>Friends are like Condoms they are always there when things get hard>>>>>>>>>>>>>>If you treat a women like an object thats just wrong... but if treat an object like a women thats disgustings>>>>>>> and last >>>>>F U CN RD THS U CNT SPL WRTH A DM..........have fun all......
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

Floggings will continue until morale improves.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.



Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

When you\'re right, no one remembers. When you\'re wrong, no one forgets
This car is designed by computer, built by a robot, driven by a moron.

This truck has been in 15 accidents...and hasn\'t lost one yet..

They keep saying the right person will come along; I think a truck hit mine.

Reality is a nice place, but I wouldn\'t want to live there.


If it is a man made world, why can\'t we remake it?

Death is life\'s way of telling you you\'re fired.

Driver carries less than $20 IN AMMUNITION..

If everything is coming your way, then you\'re in the wrong lane
Don't Steal, The government hates competition!! LOL!!
Good girls get roses... Naughty girls get diamonds. ;)
Dont sweat the pety stuff, Pet the sweaty stuff
joke \'em if they cant take a fuck .....and i could read the one post lol
Humpty-Dumpty was pushed!

Faster than a speeding ticket.

FOLLOW THAT CAR, GODZILLIA -- AND STEP ON IT !

This car is constipated: hasn\'t passed a thing all day!

Adults are just kids with money.

T.G.I.F - Thank God I\'m Female.

You are right where you belong, behind me!

Proud mother of a delinquent child!

You are driving too close I can see your bald spot.

YES this is my truck, NO I won\'t help you move!

Someday your prince will come. Mine got lost took a wrong turn and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

If you can read this you are too close.

High beams were made to piss people off!

If your stupid and you know it honk your horn.

I hate bumper stickers!

There are two kinds of drivers; those who make dust & those who eat it...

Keep honking, i\'m reloading!

Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.

If you are feeling good, don\'t worry. You\'ll get over it.

Look out! Behind you!
zero to naked in 6.2 beers. lol
]
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on
Alzheimer\'s research. This means that by 2020, there should be a large
elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no
recollection of what to do with them.
SMILE and share these with your friends

Life isn\'t like a box of chocolates, it\'s more like a jar of jalape
She\'s got more wrinkles than an Elephants scrotum
As confuse as a hungry baby in a topless bar
A priest, a minister and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender says, hey is this a joke?
Good girls go to heaven, Bad girls go everywhere!!!
My Inner Child is a mean little fu*ker

I used to schizo, but we\'re ok now.

4 of the 5 voices in my head told me to call in sick today.

I hear voices, but they speak Spanish and I have no clue what they\'re saying.

Taz\'s wants in a woman: 8 to 80....blind, crippled, or crazy....if they can\'t walk, he\'ll push \'em.

Duct tape is like the Force...it has a dark side and holds the universe together.

Everyday I think people can\'t be any dumber...and everyday I\'m proven horribly wrong.
milk sucks got beer?

geast the image is just for you and only you.
Some people are like slinkies...not really good for much, but still bring a smile to your face when you see them tumble down the stairs
In America ANYONE can be President, thats one of the risks you take.
I couldnt fix your brakes so I made your horn louder
Viagara tablets.What a great invention eh?..I took a viagra tablet once and it got stuck in my throat.Gave me a stiff neck.
My additude is fine....its you that sucks
I work retail and have this hanging in my office:

\"unattended children will be given an espresso and a free puppy\"
Get your ass in gear ......... as if asses had a transmission lol
\"That low down scoundrel ought to be kicked to death by a Jackass, and I\'m just the one to do it:.
3 men found a genie bottle and rubbed it and out popped a genie and granted each one with a wish.....the first wished to be very smart.... POOF said the genie you are smart......the second one wished i was smarter than the first......POOF the genie said your are smarter than the first....so the third man wished he was even smarter than the first two men....POOF THE GENIE SAID YOUR A WOMEN.....LOL
Wouldn\'t you know it when my ship came in I was at the airport. :-)
how do you get

DICK out of RICHARD

Kristylynn
Subject: WHY I FIRED MY SECRETARY

LAST WEEK WAS MY BIRTHDAY AND I DIDN\'T FEEL VERY WELL WAKING UP THAT
MORNING. I WENT
DOWNSTAIRS FOR BREAKFAST HOPING MY WIFE WOULD BE PLEASANT AND SAY, \"HAPPY
BIRTHDAY!\", AND POSSIBLY HAVE A PRESENT FOR ME.

AS IT TURNED OUT, SHE BARELY SAID GOOD MORNING, LET ALONE \"HAPPY BIRTHDAY.\"

I THOUGHT... WELL, THAT\'S MARRIAGE FOR YOU, BUT THE KIDS WILL REMEMBER. MY
KIDS ATE BREAKFAST AND DIDN\'T SAY A WORD.

SO WHEN I LEFT FOR THE OFFICE, I WAS FEELING PRETTY LOW AND SOMEWHAT
DESPONDENT.

AS I WALKED INTO MY OFFICE, MY SECRETARY, JANE SAID, \"GOOD MORNING BOSS,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!\"
IT FELT A LITTLE BETTER THAT AT LEAST SOMEONE HAD REMEMBERED.

I WORKED UNTIL ONE O\'CLOCK AND THEN JANE KNOCKED ON MY DOOR AND SAID, \"YOU
KNOW, IT\'S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL DAY OUTSIDE, AND IT\'S YOUR
BIRTHDAY, LET\'S GO OUT TO LUNCH, JUST YOU AND ME.\"

I SAID, \"THANKS JANE, THAT\'S THE GREATEST THING I\'VE HEARD ALL DAY. LET\'S
GO!\"

WE WENT TO LUNCH. BUT WE DIDN\'T GO WHERE WE NORMALLY WOULD GO. WE DINED
INSTEAD AT A LITTLE PLACE WITH A PRIVATE TABLE. WE HAD TWO MARTINIS
EACH AND I ENJOYED THE MEAL TREMENDOUSLY.

ON THE WAY BACK TO THE OFFICE, JANE SAID, \"YOU KNOW, IT\'S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL
DAY... WE DON\'T NEED TO GO BACK TO THE OFFICE, DO WE?\"

I RESPONDED, \"I GUESS NOT. WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN MIND?\"

SHE SAID, \"LET\'S GO TO MY APARTMENT.\"

AFTER ARRIVING AT HER APARTMENT JANE TURNED TO ME AND SAID, \"BOSS, IF YOU
DON\'T MIND, I\'M GOING TO STEP INTO THE BEDROOM FOR A MOMENT. I\'LL BE RIGHT
BACK.\"

\"OK.\" I NERVOUSLY REPLIED.

SHE WENT INTO THE BEDROOM AND, AFTER A COUPLE OF MINUTES, SHE CAME OUT
CARRYING A HUGE
BIRTHDAY CAKE... FOLLOWED BY MY WIFE, KIDS, AND DOZENS OF MY FRIENDS AND
CO-WORKERS, ALL
SINGING \"HAPPY BIRTHDAY\".

AND I JUST SAT THERE...


ON THE COUCH...


NAKED.
My favorite saying.... Everyone has to have a hobby.. wanna try mine? wink wink
I am so low that snail shit on the ocean floor looks like shooting stars.
I have PMS and a gun, any questions?


Stress is that confussion created when the mind must override the bodies desires to choke the living shit out of some asshole who deperatly deserves it.


If an animal rights activist is being mauled by a bear do we stop it or just let nature take its course?

Take a flying fuck at a rolling donut.

Bad girls suck, good girls swallow :)
\"Life is sexually transmitted.\"

\"If you can\'t see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.\"

\"When you\'re right, no one remembers.
When you\'re wrong, no one forgets.\"

\"Good health is merely the slowest possible rate
at which one can die.\"

\"Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make
mistakes when nobody is looking.\"