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Church Swingers, are they out there? - - That is the only web site I know of. I know there are some churchs that are more open then others. We have a frined that is a Minster that is in the lifestyle. R

anyone in the midwest? - - So, I haven't been introduced to the community, and I think that it would be easier to get introduced by going to some type of event. Problem is, nothing happens around here! I'm not going to be the one who could initiate anything, because I wouldn't know what the fuck to do. so.... how can I get a group of seasoned swingers to get some things going around here for all the newbie's?

BORED *anything happenin tonight* - - Well ok then fuck it what bar is gonna have the most swingers per capita tonight so we arent alone and guessing lol

Swingers - a couples only lifestyle? - Are singles considered to be swingers? - The term "swinger" is a label, plain and simple. I like to think that sexuality is about the moment, not some label. These days I tend to get pissy when someone refers to me as a "swinger". Its lumping me together with people that are not at all like me.

Looking to establish a group of safe swingers - - Definitely interested.

What is up with Utah?! - Swingers in Utah and nowhere else? - We are not sure why Utah has more fun cpls who do not hide the fact they are into the lifestyle. Here in NC there are some great cpls too, but mabey we are just shy. So we may have to head out west for our next vacation too.

Swinger Friendly Businesses - Business or services friendly to swingers - I run a mattress (adult recreation equipment) store and have and do give swinger discounts. (Insert joke here) I always find it funny when someone we met at a party or from our friend list shows up at the store.

Is this one of your rules? What is it? is it fear? or something - Does everyone feel this way? -

242,

We (Tami and I) have never ran across anyone that said they didn't want to have sex and only wanted to make friends. We have ran across those that want to be friends (have trust established), first. The latter I can totally understand, as we are two people that require trust in people we play with. We also find attraction in the personality and minds of the individual. Have there been exceptions for us? Yes, however, we have found that "spur of the moment" play was unsatisfying and regrettable. We try not to label people. We just avoid those that are into something we are not. Just as a couple not into anal sex would avoid sexual contact with those seeking anal. We avoid those that want to hook-up on first meetings without inhibition. Why? There are forceful individuals, there are deviants, there are bi-sexual males that think they can touch without permission, there are people who drug others, there are people that smoke pot and others that can't be around it due to their profession. The latter doesn't have to end a friendship as we happen to be in professions that don't allow exposure, we just had to perfect a little dance with our pot smoking friends. Many people view this as a "lifestyle". We certainly view the "free thought and expression" as a "lifestyle" but the "sex with others", is a recreational thing that we can turn on and off like a switch. Sometimes we feel like playin with our swingers buddies and sometimes we just like talking, drink and having other types of fun with them. Swingers or "Libertines", as I like to refer to them, are mostly "free thinker" types so I like to interact with them on other levels as well. Though there are still those types that only swing for the sex and still have closed minds in regard to everything else. Those are the types I find strange. How you can be a conservative swinger is beyond me. However, I respect anyone's desire to fuck. So I do not judge. I just decide who fucks me and my wife. That's all. We all can't be compatible with everyone on all levels, all the time. It's impossible. Whether it's fucking or writing in the forum, there is always gonna be someone that doesn't like you. Trust me, I know this first hand. So, like ole Rick Nelson once said... You can't please everyone, so you got to please yourself. That's a rule to fuckin live by.
-Don-

Probably my last post - True colors are showing now - Well. I shouldn't. But we're all "getting it out of our systems" so I will. I had been having a great time in the chat room, until Wild decided to badger me and badger me and badger me about the fact that HE was REALLY single - not "married but playing with wife's permission" (as I truly am). He just kept poking at it and wouldn't let it go. How... ironic... that I am, indeed, what I said I was and the protester turns out to be not what he said he was. Hmmmm.... "Methinks he protested too much". I even mentioned his heavy-handed "monitoring" to the staff and they refused to do anything but take his side in every item. OK. So I stopped participating in the chat room - for months. Now. Big Breath. My "problem" is nothing compared to what has happened to others, so I suppose I should just count myself lucky. I *do* feel for you all, but I also will plead with you to consider that "swingers have some bad apples just like the general populace - but have mostly-good people - just like the general populace".

What about the lifestyle didn't meet your expectations? - Preconceptions and disappointment. - I'm home bored, so stop here if you don't want to read a bunch of shite. lol. I think we both entered the lifestyle with some preconceived notions of what the people in the LS would be like, but that was mostly from our limited experience with being vanilla and having LS peeps try to hit on us. It just seemed creepy, desperate and gross at the time. We assumed most of the players would be super aggressive, ready to fuck anyone and have zero interest in relationships outside of sex. Our initial entry was simply to watch and be watched. We quickly learned that there are just as many wonderful people in the LS as out of it. Maybe more. There will always be the outliers, the few percentage on each end of the spectrum that are more extreme, but that happens in any population. Overall, it was a happy surprise. So that would be a negative expectation that wasn't met. As far as things we were hoping would happen or expectation that weren't met, we have very few. But we also went into the labyrinth without really expecting or assuming anything. I don't think we were naive enough to think that this segment of the population was somehow immune from the social characteristics that reveal themselves in any other social class or group. You will always have the "cool kids" the "shy people" the "jocks" the "geeks" the people who classify themselves as the "pity party" and blame the world for their problems. Those things will exist anywhere and should. Swingers are a diverse group of people with a few, maybe very few, common goals. Those goals I think are to meet others with social deviancy and those interested in expanding their sexual experiences or simply to meet new friends. Swinging, in itself, doesn't solidify your beliefs in anything else (politics, food preferences, choice of travel location, or even how or what you are looking for as swingers). I think that is where expectations can fail. If a person goes into a situation thinking, "I/we think "x" so everyone else must think "x" as well", they are bound to be disappointed. I've said this a lot of times, the lifestyle is not black and white. Life isn't black and white. There will be frustrations around every turn if you allow yourself to be duped into thinking your way of thinking is more than just your viewpoint, that it is universal to everyone. I see people complaining of flakes, people who meet once then run away, etc. That's how they roll. That's their truth. It's what they are comfortable with or wanting and who am I to judge. That being said, I don't have to associate with them and hopefully learn how to avoid that situation or become more efficient at finding people with similar interests. The lifestyle is work. Sometimes a lot of work. I think it's foolish to think that it should be easy to find 4 people who all jive. Think about how many people you have dated before settling on the right one for you. And to assume that somehow changes in the lifestyle and that after chatting on kik for a few weeks then meeting over drinks will somehow magically connect you. Ugh. Sometimes it happens. Sometimes not. But I wouldn't expect it. For others, the thought of any connection past the one-nighter is absurd. Why would you want to make friends with your fuck-buddies? It may be too risky and cause too many emotions. Point is, we are all different and that is what makes the journey so beautiful. And, just a note about flakes, since it is a recurrent theme. Yes, maybe there are more flakes in the lifestyle, but I'm guessing it's specifically related to the nature of the LS. Swinging for some can be very intimidating and frightening. Sometimes the chase is much more fun than the fucking. Not excusing them that do flake, it seems a problem for sure, but I think I understand, at least in part, why it happens so much. There is so much social pressure not to be in the lifestyle and most were brought up without it being the normal way to live. So society is telling us we are wrong, gross, deviant, etc. Add to that the fear of actually getting naked and fucking someone else and it can cause a lot of anxiety in some. When we first started we were petrified to even go the parties thinking it was going to be a fuck/rape fest. lol. Turned out we were wrong but it was a learning process. Lastly, if you are already treading carefully and the couple/person you are supposed to be meeting gives off any bad vibes, maybe flaking is best. It's hard not to hurt someone's feelings and honesty isn't always what happens. I know we have been honest with couples and it turned into a shit-show. Why don't you like us? If you only meet us and give us a chance we can prove we are wonderful. Other's like us, why don't you. It's hard to be honest at times about why there isn't a connection. May flaking be a way to spare feelings? I don't know. There are probably a plethora (Hefe, do you know what a plethora is?)of reasons people flake and some of those my be that they are just douches. But likely there are other people that aren't and are just trying to get out of a situation they are unfamiliar with. Avoid the douches but maybe give those others a second chance. Evil: always good topics you bring to the table. So you think because people like sex they should be good at it? I know a lot of people who love food but suck at cooking. haha. Maybe having too many options on the table can also make people lazy. I don't have to try hard if I know tomorrow is another partner. To some it's the quantity and not the quality. But I can see why the expectation would be there. All in all we really have no complaints. It's been a fascination journey. Some ups, some downs, but always and adventure. We will keep our expectations low, both of ourselves and those around us. Less disappointment that way. I'm going back to sitting in my underwear, drinking a beer and watching TV. Zero expectations. haha. :) Mr. SRO