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I'm a hater. Will you be a hater too? - Warning, the rats ass just ranted all over the floor! - Awwww 22PLAY....BIG HUG!!! :-) People don't realize that in Utah you can have a pretty big swingers party with just two couples....since we all have seven wives! ;-)
Evild
Just curious are we the only ones? - Just curious are we the only ones? - The black-ring on the right-hand has quickly become the new "standard" on how to tell if someone's a swinger in public. (No, it's not a sure-indicator, but it's gaining traction FAST in the swinger community -- especially outside of Utah where Swingular isn't so well known, and there's not so much of a swinger-bubble).
- It started off as a discussion on Kasidie a few years ago. (Many people think it's been around longer, but I've never seen any verified instance of it referenced prior to about 5 years ago... would love to be corrected on this with hard proof, however).
- Several swingers bloggers and podcasters picked it up and endorsed it.
- Almost all of the larger online swinger communities are now endorsing it.
- It's even been mentioned a few times on PBTV's show "Swing".
- We recently went on a swingers cruise and saw LOTS of couples wearing them.
It's actually got some real traction..... The great thing is that it's small. It's cheap. It's not obvious to anyone else. It's easy to 'deny' if you ever ARE caught ("Oh.. I just liked the ring..")..
My wife and I both wear them now... But we've never seen them "in the wild" in Utah... We found that they made a great conversation starter.
More Info here:
- http://www.okswing.com/ind..
- http://www.lifestylerings.com/faqs.html
- http://swapfu.blogspot.com/p/black-ring-right-hand.html
Swingular tends to create a little bit of a bubble for us Utah people... since the rest of the country uses other sites. The black-ring concept is trending elsewhere, nationally... and not so much in Utah.
Swingers Next Door! - ABC news story on Swinging! - Haven't seen the show but read the article. The comments at the end were worth the read alone. Thanks for sharing.
Singles who are married and cheating - - JenandBrandon: Spot on! If you can't discuss this with your spouse, 1 Don't do it! or 2 End it and move on! Don't drag them down into the gutter of lies deceit and broken trust.
Blueeysinutah: You are honest, and discrete. You're right your kids don't need to see this. But the fact that you are honest with your husband, whether he agrees with you or not (as you are separated and seeking dissolution of your marriage) shows the kind of integrity, so quickly evaporating from our larger society, that is to be commended.
T4REAL69: If you mean to imply that having open sexual relations with others means that as swingers we have no right to define any morals, there are plenty of places in which you may live in your sainted paradise. In our experience the greatest thing we have found among REAL swingers is integrity. This is one of the greatest and most anciently recognized virtues. Without that societies based on social contract of any kind will revert to total lawless brutality. The concept of "The Rule of Law" is a social contract, and has no hold where integrity is absent.
As for our part, we do take self proclaimed singles at their word with the honor system. We appreciate the honesty of those who do tell us about their situation, and decline any opportunities to play with them, as we don't need any of that kind of drama (buckshot anyone?) Even for those who are in the lifestyle and have a "hall pass" we will make a best effort to confirm with all parties that it is ok before we do any play. We do not feel it our place to "out" anyone whom we have discovered as a cheater, as this is something between them, with whomever they are espoused, and with whomever they are involved. If push comes to shove, we will however not hesitate to "throw them under the bus."
Thank you Lifestyle. - A commentary about our journey - [quote=SAMEROOMONLY]Thanksgiving just passed us by and Xmas and the New Year are quickly approaching. I thought I would take a long moment of my time, and your time if you are reading this, to tell this massive entity, called the "Lifestyle" how it has changed me this year.
We have been in the Lifestyle for a little over a year and a half. We don't even like the name lifestyle. We prefer "kinky" or "adventurous" or even just "fun as hell", but it seems the term will be around for awhile longer. The wife and I often ponder what exactly the Lifestyle is. Is it a certain set of rules and guidelines that we all live in? Is it the same for us as it is for everyone else? How often does it hurt marriage or relationships and how often does it help? Do we regret our decision to enter into it?
When we first tip-toed into the waters we were intimidated, in awe and totally unprepared for what we would experience. It all seemed magical and sometimes scary. We have and had a great marriage and thought we wanted a new, kinky adventure together. We planned to go slow and we would be fine, we were certain. But we were nervous. We were so sloshed at our first Sinful party that we irritated a few people there, no doubt, and probably made asses of ourselves. We still do that sometimes, but now we do it conscientiously. But we grew and learned quickly and have morphed into what we are today (huge asses).
Interestingly enough, a few years before we entered the LS, we thought swingers were all gross, dirty, sexually infected people ( I am still not ruling some of you out). We had met a couple that harassed us at every opportunity and were the "creepy" type. Now we know people may think of us the same way if they found out, which is sad, because we like to be honest and open with all of our friends. So, like many of you, it is a secret we keep. It is a trade off for doing what we do.
So what have I learned? How have I changed? I have always been a non-judgmental person by most standards, but still I had strong opinions about certain things. One spouse, one partner; that is how it should be done. So what changed? First off, our communication started to blossom about all sorts of things once my wife left her religion. I won't mention names, but it begins with an L and ends in DS. We talked and talked and talked and the more we talked the more we realized that we both had kinky minds and that maybe we should "experiment". So, we made some rules, actually a LOT of rules, and entered the ring. Still thinking one spouse, one partner, but maybe, just maybe we could play in the same room as other people. How kinky is that? Hence our name...sameroomonly. Well, as some of you know, the lifestyle is a monstrous, living, breathing beast and can quickly drag you to places you never thought possible. We made some mistakes, had some great times and just fumbled our way through for a few months trying to figure out where our lines were and what we should or shouldn't do. Then we got smart. We learned to communicate again, like we used to do privately, only now we could do it with other people around. And it was refreshing. No more secret code words (well, sometimes) and no more wondering if what one of us was doing was not condoned by the other. So that is the first thing I think the LS has helped us with. Communication. We communicate like mother fuckers. Better than all of our non-lifestyle friends, for the most part. Are we always amazing and never have bumps? Of course not. Anyone who says they never have drama are either liars or delusional. So thank you lifestyle for our ability to exchange ideas and to be more honest with each other, always.
The next thing we found was that we were making friends at a very fast pace. We made a kik group and had our first party with about 40 people up in Park City only 5 or so months after joining the website. It was a blast. We still host parties and invite new people all the time. We enjoy introducing new friends with old friends. Wait, did I say friends or fuck buddies? Don't we sleep with all of our friends? Isn't that the expectation? Not for us. We have made friends that we know will be around until we are all old and gray. We have lost friends because we wouldn't fuck. There are whole discussions on these forums about how some just want to meet and fuck, because this is a swinging site, not a friend site. And to each their own. We don't judge, but for us the rewards of our friendships have far outweighed the 10 or 20 seconds of amazing sex. We have friends around the world that we never would have met without the LS. So to the lifestyle, I say thank you for all of the wonderful friends we have made. Love you all, some more than others ( you know who I am talking about). :)
The LS has also taught me to be less judgmental and to avoid using words like "never" or "always". Life is full of gray areas and has lost much of its black and white features. Oh sure, I still judge, have preferences and prejudices, but we all do. I just really believe in walking in another's shoes before I make any decisions about someone's life. So lifestyle, thank you for making me more understanding of other people.
Last of all, I just want to say that the sexual journey has been amazing. We have shared many hot, sexy and intimate times with some of you and we have come to realize how similar we all are. We all like sex, we all have a kinky side, or else we wouldn't be here. I have done things that I never imagined would ever happen, with some of the sexiest, most beautiful people I have ever met. I have shared intimate moments with people I care deeply about and others that were just passing through. All have their high points. I have experienced more than most people would even dream about, as have most of you. We are the select who choose to follow our dreams and fantasies. I think we are fortunate. So lifestyle, thank you for all the amazing sex.
In the end the lifestyle is different for everyone. It is a whole sub universe in the middle of a "normal" society. Sometimes we have to walk among the shadows to keep our secret, but totally worth it. I would never trade the LS for my wonderful marriage and think I am the luckiest man alive to be married to my beautiful, amazing wife who has shared this journey with me. Love you, Babe.
As with everything in life, there will be people who read this and like it, some who don't care and some who disagree or will want to pick it to pieces. That is what makes this amazing. There are so many wonderful, different people and the lifestyle is a perfect diving board to jump into the sea of waiting bodies and personalities. So if you are new, jump in, explore and learn. If you are old school, help others to weather the bumps and keep exploring. Long live the lifestyle.
That is a little about my journey, how about you? I encourage anyone to add what they think or feel the LS has done for them, even negative things. Merry xmas to everyone and hope to meet some of you new people. And to my friends, I care about each and every one of you.
The Mr.
[/quote]
All of life is an adventure we live at the moment, and relive introspectively, over and over again. If the reexamination of our life experiences leads us toward insight and positive personal epiphanies, in so much that our day to day, in the moment life experiences, become more dear and vivid, augmenting upward and forward into the future, then can we not count ourselves lucky indeed?
If we are healthy, we want to be embraced, emotionally, socially and sexually. If the "lifestyle" can help to afford us the fulfillment of these desires, will it not lead to enhancement of our happiness, and growth individually and as a couple if we are partnered? Will the experience make us more proficient and giving lovers? Can it make us better people?
Virtual "Cheap Thrill Seekers" - - We empathize with much of what we have read in this topic so far ... Unfortunately, fakes who try to deceive their way into your bedroom and flakes who get their kicks setting up false dates are all too prevalent, not only on Swingular but throughout the entire swingers' community online. For the past three months, we have wasted tremendous amounts of our precious spare time perusing countless profiles and advts, and writing and responding to countless emails and text messages. Despite our concerted almost-daily effort,` we have met only two genuine couples. The vast majority of people we have had contact with over the past 3 months have been fakes or flakes ... and we refuse to play their game any more.
These people only exist and thrive on sites like this, and make our pastime difficult and unpleasant, because we allow them to. Evildoers is correct in his/her statement that digital technology has made it easier for people to pretend to be something they are not ... But that depends entirely on the technology being used, which we will discuss in a moment.
We (genuine couples) cannot eradicate flakes and fakes from sites like this one, but there are simple commonsense steps we can all take to take the fun out of their participation here.
1. Only communicate with certified/verified couples or females. This is not infallible, but it will reduce the amount of fakes/flakes you come into contact with.
2. Publicly expose and shame all fakes and flakes using the forum. If Swingular doesn't like the forum being used this way they can delete the countless number of posts they will receive, else provide another suitable avenue.
2a. If Swingular doesn't come to the party, start up an online "Flake-o-Dex". It's not as problematic as it sounds if you already have website hosting ( :D ). The major problems with this are getting the site known so people will use it, and moderating the site to ensure that only genuine complaints are posted. But these problems are not insurmountable.
2. Screen your prospects. Stop communicating in text or email after the initial contact ... Advise them by text, email (or on your profile page) that you will want to meet them on webcam (Skype or Swingular videochat) before any real-life meeting. For the most part, fakes and flakes won't contact you again, but if they do, a no-show on cam is far less inconvenient and costly than a no-show in real-life. If a couple or single female are genuine swingers who truly interested in a real life sexual encounter, they should have no inhibitions in meeting you privately on cam.
3. If you only want to meet real couples or females, put yourselves in a place where you will only meet real people and where real people can meet you. Fakes thrive in the anonymity of text-only groups and hate videochat because they can't hide who they are ... So make use of the Swingular Video chat room and stop using text-only groups like Kik to meet people. We both met in a video/text chat room in 2008 (and were living in two separate countries at the time). Many of the people in the room were hiding their faces until they got to know each other (including us, initially) but, from day 1, we could determine everyone's gender and general appearance. Still anonymous (for those that wanted it that way) but no fakes there and none of the problems that are occurring on this site.
Well that's our view on the matter ... Whether you choose to consider and try our suggestions is entirely up to you. :)
Swingers in Draper cause Super Dell to speed - - OMG! That is SO FUCKING FUNNY!!!! ROTHLMAO!!!! If anyone doubts the kind of fucking Mormon nutjobs we have to deal with in Utah just take a good look at this kook!
Evil
Why so much hate in the swingers world... - - Bunny,
Pelvis gave it away eh?
J&J,
Let's hang soon.
-D-
Single male in this lifestyle.. - I have questions for couples and single females. - [quote=jv666playful]sorry Evildoers but stupid people get my goat [/quote]
Look, I hear where you're coming from. But I sort of know this guy. Never actually met him, but there was some, I guess you could say, interaction through emails. And he sort of screwed something up, kind of embarrassed me with someone else, and pissed me off. For a minute. And the reason it was only for a minute (the fact that she thought it wasn't a big thing helped, I'll admit) was that he'd made an honest, but sort of clueless, mistake. And that he really wasn't aware that not doing what you say you're going to, and not letting anyone know until the very last minute when you could have let them know a lot sooner, is a much bigger thing here than it is in the vanilla world. But now he does know, and I'd be amazed if he ever did anything like that again. And my read on him is that he isn't stupid, just ignorant, a basically nice guy trying to figure out how to navigate in an unknown territory.
And yeah, this is a topic that keeps coming up. But you know what? I suspect that the guys that bring it up are actually serious about the lifestyle, and that the ones who try it and find out it wasn't the "all the girls want to fuck" scene they thought it would be just shrug their shoulders and go back to the bars. I
I suspect that a lot of swingers didn't get into it until they were a couple. And I also suspect that they might not realize what it's like for a single guy, if he's one that isn't just trying to find a quick and easy way to get laid. Believe it or not, not all of them are.
Me, it's a case of been there, done that. Back when "free love" was all the rage, before Herpes, AIDS, or any other really serious STD, when any guy who couldn't go out on just about any Friday night and end up in bed with some girl had to be either the Hunchback of Notre Dame or a complete and total asshole,I was a single male in the lifestyle. I sure as Hell wasn't trying to find an easy way to get laid, in those days it didn't take much of an effort at all. And you'd think swinging was easier then, with sex being such a casual, no big deal, thing. But it was actually even harder and more complicated. As Evil said, it was called wife swapping, and it was a seriously bad thing as far as society was concerned. Swinger functions, like Sinful Saturdays, Risquee Soiree stuff, Meet n Greets? No way, Jose. There were only private, invite only, parties. There wasn't any internet, if someone was silly enough to try to set something like that up and advertise in the papers (the only avenue available then), no paper was going to take the ad. Everything was word of mouth, and that word pretty much only went to couples. It was actually dangerous. There were cases (not a lot, thankfully, but some) of the local police somehow finding out about a wife swapping party, raiding it, and hitting everyone there with morals charges. Which could even cost people their jobs. That was in the '70s, it did start to sort of loosen up in the '80s, which is when I left the country and the scene, but it was still more complicated than it is today, with no internet and everything word of mouth and single men by invitation only. So why did I bother, when sex was so damned easy to find everywhere? I LIKED these people, that's why. They were ignoring what everyone thought they should or shouldn't do, and were doing what they thought was right for them. Which is how I've believed, since I was maybe 15, that everyone should be.
Point being, not all single males are JUST trying to get laid. So if someone comes along who takes the time and effort to ask how he can navigate what are some pretty treacherous waters, I think he deserves to be treated as if he's serious, just a little clueless, and not be ridiculed for it. Hell, even Evil, who's quicker than anyone I know to jump on utter stupidity with both feet, and ridicule the Hell out of it, gave the guy a break and some good, if blatant and not sugar coated, advice.
Why the male side of Couples are here...? - I will admit I am hoping to spark some heated debate on this.... - [quote=CPL4SOFT]Because every time the female half gets on all she gets is here's a pic of my cock, want to fuck? [/quote]
At the risk of further pizzing off a few of the single dudes around here...
That's because a fair number of guys assume that since you're swingers (i.e. you "allow" your partner to fuck other men) you must by default be a cuckold. It's bullshit and it unfairly affects the single guys who DON'T assume that married male swingers are all cucks (or won't openly admit it-lol). To be fair, we've run into more than a few married guys who feel this way too. They're easy to pick out because they say up front their lady doesn't fuck other guys or they try to bait and switch you after you meet.
Okay, lemme have it! [em]Emo_12[/em]
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