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If you are looking
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BDSM and Swingers? - Where does BDSM fit in the swingers' world... your thoughts and experiences? - Our experience (almost 30 years in the lifestyle) is that the kink community and the swinging community don't mesh all that well. Sure there are some swingers who are into BDSM but by far most people who practice BDSM aren't swingers and more than a few actually look down on swingers (funny, if you think about it) for having consensual sex with multiple partners (with or without whips and chains).
We've dabbled in very light BDSM a time or two and found that it DEFINITELY isn't our thing and other than maybe a little spank on the ass during doggy style sex it isn't the thing for about 99.9% of the swingers we've met.
But look around a bit and you'll find a few swingers who like to play act BDSM on occasion and perhaps even a few who actually practice it as a lifestyle along with their swinging.
Stansbury Island - Who is out enjoying the rain naked? - [quote=Salacity22]😂[/quote]
Cracks me up. I didn’t realize there was a category that is gay nudists swingers. I think all three may have a separate category but hey we don’t judge everyone is welcome in our camp. I guess we are nudists and swingers 🤷♂️
To cover up or not to cover up - Slut shaming and the lifesyle - Sadly there are many entirely false stereotypes about swingers that non swingers and/or newbies to the lifestyle believe. Probably the most predominant one is that someone who is a swinger (especially a woman) is more or less DTF anyone, any time, anywhere. We used to try to educate those who thought this way but often they don't want to believe the truth because it destroys their fantasy about swinging. Now we just avoid those individuals because more often than not they are the very same individuals who don't understand or listen when someone says, "No."
Let's play, rate a profile. - - Wow! I just want to call out some REALLY AWESOME things in this thread.
1) Ucouple - you did a FANTASTIC job of calling out all the things I was thinking about rude3050's profile and you weren't rude or condescending. You were sincere and helpful and that is AWESOME! I hope we can cultivate more of this kind of a culture in this community. Thanks for being the example! :)
2) rude3050 - you took the constructive criticism and advice you were given and acted on it right away, very effectively and without getting defensive. Good on you man! Your profile just improved by leaps and bounds today. I don't have any idea what the lifestyle scene is like in Kansas but the changes definitely improve your odds. Kansas swingers take note of this guy!
3) All the other thoughtful, encouraging and kind words in this thread...kudos all around!
We all tend to get hung up on the bad behavior - sometimes it seems like there is an awful lot of it. I think the majority of the real people on this site value kindness, honesty, inclusion, etc. I'm going to make an effort to focus on and call out the positive more often - starting now. Thanks everyone for the uplift! :)
Game ON....which sign is Hornier...(is that a word?) - zodiac signs of swingers? - ...scorpios !! ....my parents say i was born sport,n a woody! hehehe!! :)
swingers helper... - I know some of us need this every now and again... - What is your sign?
What about the lifestyle didn't meet your expectations? - Preconceptions and disappointment. - I'm home bored, so stop here if you don't want to read a bunch of shite. lol.
I think we both entered the lifestyle with some preconceived notions of what the people in the LS would be like, but that was mostly from our limited experience with being vanilla and having LS peeps try to hit on us. It just seemed creepy, desperate and gross at the time. We assumed most of the players would be super aggressive, ready to fuck anyone and have zero interest in relationships outside of sex. Our initial entry was simply to watch and be watched. We quickly learned that there are just as many wonderful people in the LS as out of it. Maybe more. There will always be the outliers, the few percentage on each end of the spectrum that are more extreme, but that happens in any population. Overall, it was a happy surprise. So that would be a negative expectation that wasn't met.
As far as things we were hoping would happen or expectation that weren't met, we have very few. But we also went into the labyrinth without really expecting or assuming anything. I don't think we were naive enough to think that this segment of the population was somehow immune from the social characteristics that reveal themselves in any other social class or group. You will always have the "cool kids" the "shy people" the "jocks" the "geeks" the people who classify themselves as the "pity party" and blame the world for their problems. Those things will exist anywhere and should. Swingers are a diverse group of people with a few, maybe very few, common goals. Those goals I think are to meet others with social deviancy and those interested in expanding their sexual experiences or simply to meet new friends. Swinging, in itself, doesn't solidify your beliefs in anything else (politics, food preferences, choice of travel location, or even how or what you are looking for as swingers). I think that is where expectations can fail. If a person goes into a situation thinking, "I/we think "x" so everyone else must think "x" as well", they are bound to be disappointed. I've said this a lot of times, the lifestyle is not black and white. Life isn't black and white. There will be frustrations around every turn if you allow yourself to be duped into thinking your way of thinking is more than just your viewpoint, that it is universal to everyone. I see people complaining of flakes, people who meet once then run away, etc. That's how they roll. That's their truth. It's what they are comfortable with or wanting and who am I to judge. That being said, I don't have to associate with them and hopefully learn how to avoid that situation or become more efficient at finding people with similar interests. The lifestyle is work. Sometimes a lot of work. I think it's foolish to think that it should be easy to find 4 people who all jive. Think about how many people you have dated before settling on the right one for you. And to assume that somehow changes in the lifestyle and that after chatting on kik for a few weeks then meeting over drinks will somehow magically connect you. Ugh. Sometimes it happens. Sometimes not. But I wouldn't expect it. For others, the thought of any connection past the one-nighter is absurd. Why would you want to make friends with your fuck-buddies? It may be too risky and cause too many emotions. Point is, we are all different and that is what makes the journey so beautiful.
And, just a note about flakes, since it is a recurrent theme. Yes, maybe there are more flakes in the lifestyle, but I'm guessing it's specifically related to the nature of the LS. Swinging for some can be very intimidating and frightening. Sometimes the chase is much more fun than the fucking. Not excusing them that do flake, it seems a problem for sure, but I think I understand, at least in part, why it happens so much. There is so much social pressure not to be in the lifestyle and most were brought up without it being the normal way to live. So society is telling us we are wrong, gross, deviant, etc. Add to that the fear of actually getting naked and fucking someone else and it can cause a lot of anxiety in some. When we first started we were petrified to even go the parties thinking it was going to be a fuck/rape fest. lol. Turned out we were wrong but it was a learning process. Lastly, if you are already treading carefully and the couple/person you are supposed to be meeting gives off any bad vibes, maybe flaking is best. It's hard not to hurt someone's feelings and honesty isn't always what happens. I know we have been honest with couples and it turned into a shit-show. Why don't you like us? If you only meet us and give us a chance we can prove we are wonderful. Other's like us, why don't you. It's hard to be honest at times about why there isn't a connection. May flaking be a way to spare feelings? I don't know. There are probably a plethora (Hefe, do you know what a plethora is?)of reasons people flake and some of those my be that they are just douches. But likely there are other people that aren't and are just trying to get out of a situation they are unfamiliar with. Avoid the douches but maybe give those others a second chance.
Evil: always good topics you bring to the table. So you think because people like sex they should be good at it? I know a lot of people who love food but suck at cooking. haha. Maybe having too many options on the table can also make people lazy. I don't have to try hard if I know tomorrow is another partner. To some it's the quantity and not the quality. But I can see why the expectation would be there.
All in all we really have no complaints. It's been a fascination journey. Some ups, some downs, but always and adventure. We will keep our expectations low, both of ourselves and those around us. Less disappointment that way. I'm going back to sitting in my underwear, drinking a beer and watching TV. Zero expectations. haha. :)
Mr. SRO
Black Rings - Do Swingers really? - Black rings on the ring finger of the right side hand is definitely a sign of being a swinger. Some women also wear anklets with different charms showing their preference for play (mfm, mfmf, BBC,etc). Now there is an international emblem for swingers worn in various forms of jewelry.
https://www.swingersjewelry.net/swinger-symbol/
Swingers cars??? - What ya driving?? - [quote=MATT_AND_LIZ]And to my Bugatti buddies. Type 57s. If your going to dream, dream big.[/quote]
hmmmmm yeah ~ classic ! thanks for sharing :)
Meeting new swingers? - Where to meet them? - The net is the greatest thing that ever happened to the Lifestyle, Try sites like this, yahoo and AOL groups are a great place too.
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