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We have heard about it many times........... - Couples that are swingers - One thing we have that works pretty well is, certain phrases or a look that if one of us isn't too excited about proceeding further or theres something wrong, all we need to do is say it and then your spouse knows and things slow down. This is mostly addressed to the other couple as it seems as though they wasnt on the same page.
Do your friends and family know about your lifestyle? - - Our 23 year old daughter figured it out, when our son kept telling her we were going to some convention here in town....she looked to see what conventions were in Vegas that week and put two and two together. We also have friends who arent swingers that know.
We dont mind telling people but we're selective about who we mention it openly to, just because some people just dont get it.
Swingers dying out? - Is the utah swinger community dying or becoming to needy? - We are not much into the big extravaganzas. We prefer a more casual setting. We just get so busy that we do not try and set up play dates very often anymore but when we do we have found that there are a lot of people willing to meet with us and then when we meet they actually want to play with us. We all have fun and say we should do this more often and we all mean it but we just get busy and weeks go by and we end up not having sexual play dates as often as we used to.
In essence we become inactive or semi in active swingers. We all know we could and should visit a few couples once a month but we just get slothful and procrastinate.
Playing Alone - - Couples all have different rules. Many categorically refuse to play alone with ANYONE ever. This is their "security" place. They feel comfortable in the place where they can see each other and "protect" if necessary. It takes some people a long time to get passed this.
It's kind of a 'control' thing leftover from the vanilla life. I'm not saying it's bad, good or indifferent it's just the way it is. Some people take longer to get passed their histories as vanillas than others. As they progress and get more comfortable with themselves, the lifestyle, their partners then they will slowly open up and begin to trust a bit more.
Don't take it personally, that's the key. Many people still hang on to their vanilla background that their partners are their most 'valued' possession. I liken it to my $450 deep sea fishing reel. Sure I'll loan it to someone to use if I'm on the boat with them and can make sure they're taking care of it. Is there anyone I'd just let 'borrow' it out right for the day or weekend? Not a chance in hell.
It takes time to let go of that 'she's/he's mine' get feeling. I think my wife and I took almost 6 years before we got there successfully. We tried many times before that but it never worked out well for either of us. We finally came to a point where it's okay to play separately everything from next room to next state it no longer bothers us. I personally prefer within 30 - 50 miles so she get's home faster for the "after play" sex you're describing (which I really like too.)
You'll have to find a VERY secure, VERY established, VERY strong couple to fulfill your fantasy. They are out there, my wife and I for example but even though we're open to playing separately are we open to YOU playing with her or me separately? That's a different level of trust. Does it mean no? No. It means "maybe" in time it's a possibility. (I'm speaking hypothetically of course.)
Don't worry your "couple" or "person" will come along. You might also try investigating a subsection of the lifestyle called "hotwifeing" while I know few swingers who are hardcore into only hotwifing, there are quite a few that tip toe in that part of the lifestyle (quick def, she plays he doesn't except with her.) That's the post play joy for you and the play and post play joy for her. Most people just bounce between that and swinging. There are people out there just be patient and don't expect it from any current playmates that you have established rules with, they need to progress at their own speed.
This lifestyle - What are we really? - Posted By: JSTLKN07 Reply posted on:
Jan 22, 2008 - 12:25 pm
We like to think that we're doing what makes both of us happy. If that makes us swingers or polyamorous, or whatever, then that's cool with us. Our label we give ourselves isn't important, nor do we care about it.
We beg to differ. That label is important from certain standpoints. Now, if you meet us and tell us you are a poly couple seeking a poly relationship, we can tell you it won't go far since that is not what we want. That way, you know it isn't going anywhere fast and so do we. No need to drag it out for a while and then "I thought you...." or "I got the impression.....". If I am looking for a certain type of relationship, isn't it better to know up front and not waste anybody's time and get hurt feelings?
Swingers now officially a high risk group for STDs and STIs - Do your own research - [quote=ABCMAN]
yeah, I do know several woman who use dental dams
[/quote]
Really? I've never met a single one.
KUTV News Story on Swingers - News - [quote=CHEFFETTE]
There's little journalism here in Utah; it's about driving views whose numbers can be used for ad revenue. Titillation drives views. The curiosity gap ("You won't believe what happens next!") drives views. Informing is never considered necessary, only attracting views and/or clicks.
There are hungry children in every county of this state but a salacious and sexxxay story is what they choose to put on the news? Useless entertainment masquerading as a higher purpose.[/quote]
Thank you for using the word "Titillation"
To add to my comment, Heidi, please only friend us if you paid for a membership, that would be true journalism, doing anything you can for a story. Also, I agree with Cheffette, please feed the children next. A middle class family with kids walking in on the nasty is wrong, but more wrong is starving children that don't have a meal for tomorrow. We as 'Merican's focus on what "titillates" us and we forget what is wrong with our cuntry. We focus on starving children in Africa, but not here at home. Let's focus on US for a change.
BUTTS - - [img]http://farm1.static.flickr.com/104/288533110_6c505e47fc_o.jpg[/img]
[img]http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3310/3475608233_c4d69df872_o.gif[/img][img]http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3366/3476417608_1cf2d88742_o.gif[/img][img]http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3407/3476417460_aa56a1c3f5_o.gif[/img][img]http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3306/3476417196_3ba5c98160_o.gif[/img][img]http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3350/3476417482_9ddeb50969_o.gif[/img][img]http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3389/3475607725_6092ba91d1_o.gif[/img][img]http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3628/3476417274_691d332063_o.gif[/img][img]http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3417/3475608277_a77e428bc7_o.gif[/img][img]http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3312/3475607959_3e7ebab4d2_o.gif[/img][img]http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3562/3475607833_05a93814a4_o.gif[/img][img]http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3339/3476417314_3be65fe4be_o.gif[/img]
[url=http://www.cafepress.com/SC24FUN]CHECK OUT SWINGERS SYMBOL TSHIRTS AND STUFF[/url]
The New Neighbors Are Swingers - - [video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hTrOMcWqYE[/video]
Small Towns - - The most Mormon swingers are in Utah? Who'd a thunk? I've heard there are more Mexican swingers in Mexico than anywhere else. And I was told by a friend in the KGB that the FBI has one of the highest rates of crossdressers of any spy agency (started with J. Edgar Hoover and well...). Oh and they said the NSA was all a bunch of ferret molesting hermaphrodites. I put in that last part because it's true and because the NSA is reading all this stuff (down in Draper at that big ass spy building) and touching themselves inappropriately while doing so. And they've prolly made copies of ALL of y'all's naughty pics and all the fat geeky computer nerds are jerkin' it to all of our swinger photos. Hey NSA dudes! Don't you wish you knew what a real vagina felt like?[em]Emo_67[/em]
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