Raton Swingers in New_mexico

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Messages - why don't people want to message back - 1. All the sites are crawling with fake couple profiles that are pic collectors or guys trying to cheat. 2. People here have the idea of dabbling but are not serious about it. 3. People have their ideal encounter in their head and are only looking for that exact situation. 4. People are simply lazy. They wanna push a button (like the FR one) and let you do all the work. 5. People totally content with swinging are already in an established party or meet group and have people come to them now. They are tons of fun, experienced swingers that know how to balance normal life and swinging life. So we always tell newbs there is a huge learning curve to this lifestyle. No, it’s not the sex part, we all already do that, it’s the ability to sort through the mess and find connections. Living where you do makes it even harder. Try some other sites to see if they fit better. AFF usually has a good listing in your area. Try posting up something when you have free time and see what comes your way. Don’t jump at every friend request. Our experience over 4 years is the blind ones with no message lead no where. We use the sites for first contact, then k!k (you can live pic verify there) and chat to see if it’s a match. Remember it’s a frustrating road ahead. Even after getting to full chat and meeting time, we really only meet 5% of the people we talk to, and we are super flexible and drive many miles to meet and play. Just keep at it. We are to the point now we can spot most flakes, cheaters and collectors quickly and we block and move on. When you do finally meet just be open. Network, be friends, that can lead to parties or new friends. Start looking to just meet cool fucking people and learn from there.

A paradigm shift - polyamory - Your thoughts? Here are mine... - This is a big big topic... good one. It is true to say that an amazing thing about being human (thank any God figure you'de like :)) is that we have an INFINITE capacity to love. It is most obvious in women but exists in us all. I understand all of the comments about walking a path together, finding the one and only, etc and that is a great way to live but the fact is, we can love more than we do. We can choose to want to be with a certain person more than any other but we can love many. The easiest way to show this is that when a child is born they make the parents feel as if they could never love like they do this first beautiful child but when others come along what we experience is an expansion of our capacity to love. It is limitless. As mothers and parents can love many children so can we all love many others. We dont need to, some dont want to, but some feel it is a natural and Godly way to live. The biggest obstacle to it is jealousy or feelings of ownership which Swingers have largely learned are "lower thinking" attributes and, at least as far as the physical goes, they are beyond jealousy etc (of course I mean the healthy ones). Big Love is a real deal. It scares many people, even swingers but it is the next and logical progression in the more enlightened thinkers out there, which many swingers are. We swingers have at least tackled the threat that comes from "physical" sharing but many are scared to death to hear their loving sharing spouse express feelings of love for another man or woman. A great book on this topic is "The Future of Love" by Daphne Rose Kingma. It's excellent. Im sure this idea (polyamory) is not for everybody but it is natural and can be as rewarding and freeing as swinging is I'm told...(Jealousy, guilt and ownership are unnatural 'learned' behaviors). I already know I cant be 'everything' to my loving partner but am I strong enough to allow her "love" someong else? Oh wait... is that really my decision? Thats my 2 cents... Dave

asking your swinger friend if you can join them. - - [quote=EVILDOERS]"I am not in the lifestyle and don't think I ever really fully would be" "K USSIR your not a swinger but you wanna have sex with you friends wife with your friend there? HMMMMMMM I smell a swinger in the making" Naw, I smell a single guy who just wants to get laid. If you aren't really interested in swinging just leave it alone and get your jollies elsewhere. There are plenty of ways for you to get your rocks off in bars and clubs and on Craigslist. It's your VERY common SM attitude that makes it tough for the very few single guys who get it and really want to be part of the lifestyle. No wonder so many people constantly say that singles aren't really swingers. But don't worry. You aren't alone. We've met TONS of single dudes over the years who've admitted that they would NEVER allow their wife (if they ever got married) to fuck another man. Swinging is an attitude and a mindset. A guy who would let you fuck his wife is risking a lot and sharing with you the most important thing in his life. If you can't grasp that concept you should just stay home and jerk it to online porn.[/quote] Great points.. And if I may say, I am a single fella in this lifestyle, and yes if I were married or had a girlfriend, I would love to share with another man, woman, or couple. In fact when I go on dates, swinging is one of the conversations I make sure we have, if she is not interested in the lifestyle, then we enjoy the date and go our separate ways. I am open and honest upfront and not afraid to express my involvement in the lifestyle. If she is interested then we will talk more about it as the dating continues, if not, no hard feelings..

Reject Affair Match - Cheaters are not swingers - Riderz, You crack us up!

what if I want to but he doesn't - - [quote=NU2THEGAME]the worst part is that I consider myself intelligent with good common sense, so why can't i repress this- why is this so important to me right now? my hormones are taking over my common sense!! don't want to ruin a marriage for a cheap thrill- but also know that sex is a very important part of a marriage... part of it i'm sure is that I've been with him since i was 14..... i know this.[/quote] There are many little things that we all do without that do not really affect our lives to any degree. But sometimes the little things turn out to be really big things. I would say that you have found one of yours. I sounds like you are telling us that you everything your husband wants sexually. But there is something you need that you are not getting sexually. We could guess as to what that is but it would not help to guess. You need to examine and define what it is that you are lacking. Otherwise all we can do is talk in generalities. Some people only feel safe when things are neatly defined and unchanging. I think that most swingers will tell you that sexually we get into a rut or pattern with any lover and that for many of us that is like the end of life. Most will also tell you that this lifestyle helps to keep you feeling alive and part of the world. You learn knew things from different people and your world opens wider. Marriage changes how many think or act. Why that is would take many pages off topic. A marriage like good government should be one of give and take and compromise. Once one side had decided not to compromise or find a solution that makes their partner happy, then they have decided that the marriage is no linger important. As an example: A woman once told me that after marriage her husband only touched her once a year on a specific day. The rest of the time he was a cold fish. That is all he wanted and what she wanted did not matter. In a way that was sexual abuse of the worst magnitude. To choose a celibate life for one

Playing with \"swingers\" vs \"nonswingers\" - - We prefer not to mix the two sides of our life up! That is, we keep to ourselves that we are swingers with everyone except other swingers. Isn\'t that what \"Discreet\" means? We have only had one couple approach us at a \"non-swinger\" social function and talk to us like we should be getting together with them - all while in front of our real-life friends. When this thoughtless couple left our table, the other 3 couples there asked what that was all about. We actually ignored the question and went right on enjoying our evening -- without any real trouble. We always talk to each other in private when we are out at a night club and wonder between ourselves how this or that person might be in bed -- but we never act on those impulses. It is our belief that most people would be shocked, but not necessarily in awe about our swinging behavior. Therefore, we do not ask non-swingers to play with us. Most of the other responses here are right on target. Those that do not have experience with swinging are not really prepared to handle the social/sexual interactions between 3 or 4 people -- hell, most swingers we know (including us) don\'t do a very good job of handling it! There certainly seem to be alot of very hot swingers to choose from at this website, we wonder why you would have to go outside to find what you are looking for?

Damn Utah couples! :) - - (This should start a little debate and raise the hair on a few people's necks) There are many hotties in Utah. Sexy, fun, people who are great to hang with (and play with). Well.... If you think you want to go to Utah to meet these sexy people, we suggest a visit NOT a permanent relocation. We lived in Florida for 10 years and then moved our family to Utah for 5 years. Its hard to describe how difficult it is to live a "normal" life in Utah because the Mormons control so much of the total "consciousness" in the state. Especially if your wife and kids are Catholic. Utah is beautiful and the people are nice. However you almost have to go "underground" in order to have real fun and enjoy things that elsewhere are commonplace. The government, liquor laws, and the social interactions are heavily controlled by the Moron church. The mainstream populace, as well as the non-mormon citizens, are heavily influenced by the Church and because its everywhere... it seems normal. Its hard to see what I'm talking about until you get out of there and look back. Utah is a great place to visit, a great place to ski and play, but its definitely not "The Place" for free-thinking swingers types. Disclaimer: I grew up LDS in Utah. Graduated from high school and a major University in Utah before moving out of state. Most of my family is still there. Growing up in Zion everything seems normal until you live elsewhere and move back.... then you realize how the Mormon church controls almost all aspects of life there. We return to go skiing and visiting family multiple times each year. Its a great place to be from. Now if you live in Utah, there is no need to get all pissed off and write a diatribe about how much you love your state. I love Utah too. I just hate the heavy-handedness and the hypocrisy of the faithful. There is also no need to try to explain how you get along just fine in the Beehive state... I'm sure you do. Unless you grew up as a Utah Mormon, moved away for an extended time (no, a mission, or a cruise to Mexico, doesn't count), and then moved back to experience the contrast, you don't have a real understanding what I'm talking about. :p BLUEDECEMBER... Rather than travel to Utah for fun.... why not travel to "full-swap land" for an even better adventure??

Do you only play with married couples? - - I'm going to add something that is taboo, the concept of a couple taking some time together as if to steal away from their partner where one or both are married and / or swingers. Isn't there some additional excitement to do so? Please know that I have considered very thoroughly that it is best to conduct behaviour while the significant other is aware, either same room or separately. So correct me (and I'm sure you will) if I am wrong but I think there is a situation now and then where a couple could steal away and have a good time if they are cool about it, married or single, yes?

Evil's latest poll. Fellas, would you ever... - - And fwiw this "poll" was meant to be facetious and to sort of poke fun at the mores and attitudes and hard dying dogmas of swinging. I'm the last guy who really wants to suck a cock but since I've been a swinger I've occasionally wondered if my aversion to male/male play was something hardwired into me or if it was something society force fed me. We expect swinger ladies to at very least be bi-comfortable yet expect the opposite in men. I just think it's interesting that there exists that double standard and wondered aloud what it might take (if anything) for a totally straight guy to be a little more "flexible". I'm not in anyway advocating that anyone should suck a dick if they don't want to. Happy Hump Day all you naughty nasty swingers! [em]Emo_12[/em]

Swingers gone bad?? - - I can't or wwon't take the moral high ground here. I believe what was done was legally wrong. I was having sex by age 12 and knew what I was doing then. Was I legally competant??? According to statutes then and now, I was too young to make a good judgement. Did these boys or any others boys ever need alcohol to get into the mood to have sex??? Legally they did wrong.... If the boys were 10, 9 maybe even 11 maybe then they sould be too young to participate... Now people taking the moral high ground........ Is swinging morally right? The lifestyle is sometimes called a fringe thing. It's not illegal according to the law but there are those who say that morality says that sharing each other with someone outside of the marriage is wrong. For those of you in Utah.... Polygamy, polygyny and polyandry is wrong... Actually the state had to outlaw the practice of having more than one wife or they wouldn't have gotten statehood. So they used the term Polyegemy or having more than one wife or having more than one husband at the same time. Polygyny is having more than one wife at the same time. It is illegal in most states for either of these 3 states or conditions to exist or to participate in. I guess what I'm saying is, Are swingers morally upright or righteous enough to make the moral judgement on these people. Certainly, what they did was illegal but.... 50 years ago what we do today would have gotten us ousted from the community, church, loss of job (and that could still happen today) and maybe even jailed, under the right circumstances.. So, before we cast the first stone let us be certain that we are righteous or that we are well outside of our glass house.