Marlboro Swingers in New_jersey

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We're Back!!! - Hi there! - [quote=Starlights]Makes me wonder how many viable, sincere hits you two get with such a specific search criteria. You don’t consider yourselves “swingers”, but you’re on a swinger site looking for an exclusive relationship… from my own personal experience and from what I’ve seen with others, this type of relationship with another couple burns short but bright. I always caution couples we know when they come across other couples that change their minds from a sexy fun friendship to trying to back them into a serious “exclusive” relationship… excluding all other friends they’ve made in this LS along the way. It can be a drama filled and painful road. I’m sure of the 6 couples you’ve dated over the years you can attest to that if you’re being 💯 honest to yourselves. This type of relationship should be (imo) found organically and mutually if that’s what it ends up being… Saying you want to be exclusive with a potential swinger couple from the start, while upfront and honest, can sound forced and rigid. Some of the stories of possessiveness between couples just sound absurd to us given the LS they’ve chosen. In any case, good luck with your search.[/quote] 👍 I get that. If I'm understanding Candyrocks criteria, I can empathize with them though. We feel similarly challenged in that we haven't much interest in couples whose focus is bouncing from couple to couple. At the same time, I realize that the relationship we hope to find is like looking for a needle in a haystack. Adding to that challenge is our location, and, more these days, the time. Our search might be narrow enough that we're dooming ourselves of any adult fun with others. But, if we settle for something that doesn't closely fit what we're hoping to find, it would seem we were not being true to ourselves, or the other couple.

Travel and first time - - I completely understand how she feels. And just for what it's worth, you two are at an age where a lot of couples head for divorce court anyway. There's no sense in driving in that direction if you don't have to. So, in my opinion, if you communicate really well, and are just looking for a little bedroom spice once in a while, going where you're unlikely to build a relationship isn't a bad idea. There are bunches of swinger sites all over the country. I'd suggest looking up a few swingers clubs in the area you want to visit and ask them what the predominant swing sites are in their area. Once you get comfortable with the lifestyle, and feel like the risk is less, doing it closer to home is fun, and more convenient. Mr. Sexperimentors

Swinging and Children Don't Mix With Me, What about You? - Unforgettable experience - I have to say, having children and trying to meet with couples can be very hard on your lifestlye. Family always comes first in my book, but it doesn't seem like every parent thinks that, which is why I'm letting you know why they should start thinking about it. We thought that maybe if we could meet with a couple that also have a child or has children, that we could have a better, lasting relationship and have other things to enjoy with these couples, besides just swinging. Well, one couple didn't work out with us and I don't know how to go about letting them know they were wrong in what happened. I'm the only one that even seemed to get upset about the situation and I wanted to get others opionion to make sure I don't owe an opology to them. Here's what happened..... Me and my husband met with a couple at a swingers club, which was off-premise, and we talked some and explained we had children and that we wanted to meet with couples, but it was hard with younsters and it was also hard to find a reliable and trusting babysitter to be able to enjoy the night out. They the told us they had a child and that if we wanted to talk more and get to know each other better, that we could come to their home for a dinner, with our kids. Now...we explained up front that we don't play seperate and we definitely did not play if we had our children with us. They said that it wouldn't be a problem, no hank-panky with kids around, because they too had a small one. This sounded really great to us, because we thought we found a good couple to be friends with and have some extra benefits too, if we wanted. Well, things started out okay. We were greeted at the door by the family, and our kids was introduced to their child, and was showed some computer games and such to play. That gave us time to talk a little to the couple and was shown the outside of their home and such before dinner. After dinner is when everything went WRONG. First, I had to go to the bathroom. Well, while I was gone to the bathroom, the Mrs. decide to give my hubby a tour of the rest of the house, mainly the extra bedroom....and when I asked the hubby where my hubby was, he said.."Don't worry about them, they'll be okay for awhile"...well, that really ticked me off, especially knowing our children were now mixed up in this...and our oldest asking where his daddy went with that lady.....that was about the last straw for me....but I was in these peoples home, not mine, and I respect others homes, but in this situation, I was ready to leave, and without my other half....because he too knew our rules of playing. Well, when the Mrs. and mine came back up, my other half knew I was mad, but for some strange reason, he felt like he had to still play around with her, and in the same room all the children were in!!!! Not to mention, she couldn't keep her hands off him, which was not making my situation of trying to calm down any easier. When I finally got my hubby alone, I "very persistantly" told him me and the kids were leaving...NOW..and if he was smart he had better be out the front door before me or I would leave him there, and I truely meant it. I was so angry and hurt by all of the happenings around me, I thought that if this is what it's like to try and swing...FORGET IT...my nerves or marriage weren't going to stay together if this is what I had to look forward to everytime. My hubby didn't get out the door before me..he was too busy kissing the Mrs good-bye....and I mean french-kissing..... but, thank Goodness I got the kids out the door before me....and that didn't help out any on his part, believe me. We stopped swinging for many years after that because of trust with one another and with other couples saying one thing and then doing another. This particular couple apparently feels that nothing was wrong with what happened, and actually contacted us again after many, many, many years after this incident happened. I'm not one either to "shun" anyone, but this expereince really bothered me then, and still does, and after them contacting us again, through an e-mail, not by phone, it makes me wonder about my feelings on the matter. Am I wrong to feel this way, even after all these years? I do trust my husband NOW, after the bad expereinces, because there was one more after that, but it took alot of talking, yelling, and regaining a trust that is hard to achieve after something that drastic that involved your kids in the process. I e-mailed them back, but I know it was short and blunt, nothing mean, I don't do things like that, but what if they try again to contact us...what do I say? Any help/advice/opinions is appreciated. Hope no one ever has to expereince something like this...most marriages would never have lasted unless you really had a great understanding with your mate, and we put ours to the test and passed.......barely.

Professionals - - That's just it Chibones: no we are NOT all looking for the same thing out of the lifestyle. People are as diverse as the imagination...and then some. And we have learned that in the lifestyle there are a myriad of things people want and don't want. No two couples are exactly the same and many are polar opposites. Some people do not want to limit the possibilities or their options. But MANY do want to limit them. Some...like yourselves...say almost nothing of substance about yourselves in their profiles. Others write auto-biographies. Some are looking for that one special couple or single. Some are looking to have sex with everything they get within arm's reach of. Some only want dark-haired ladies with large breasts. Others only want men over 50 years old and over 6' tall. Geographical and regional cultural differences play a strong role in how people craft profiles and conduct themselves in the lifestyle. In our town, you could not be a "professional" and be open about being a swinger. You would be harassed and heavily discriminated against in business. Preachers would tell their congregations not to patronize your business from the pulpit on Sunday mornings, and most of your customers would be church-goers who do what their pastors tell them. Your kids would be tormented in school. Interestingly, if you were an entertainer or a construction worker or truck driver, nobody would care. Your life would go on without incident. This isn't Safety Harbor, FL! (we used to live in St. Pete) The big fight right now in town is over the new Hilton hotel and whether or not they should be allowed to offer PPV adult movies in the hotel rooms. Also, we have a very large element of...how show we say...under-achieving whites...in the lifestyle in this region of the country. I would be willing to wager a month's pension check that you would not associate with them. By comparison, when we look at FL swinger profiles and talk to our FL swinger friends about it, we get the distinct impression that swinging is more of a middle class and upper class past-time down there. So, in a desire to both clue the right people in and not offend the rest, around here white collar couples tend to use the code-phrase, "We are a _________ professional couple who like to..." It's sort of a polite way of saying "No illiterate toothless hillbillies strung out on methamphetamines who cannot behave in public, please!" So, if "professional couple" offends your sensibilities, you should try walking in OUR shoes for awhile before judging us based on a phrase. Around here, a lawyer who is outed as a swinger would be in serious jeopardy of losing his bar certification. An elected official would be toast. A political appointee would be fired immediately. A real estate agent would see their business shrivel to nothing in weeks. A doctor would lose 3/4 of his patients within a month. And the funniest/saddest thing about it all is that we have one of the highest concentrations of swingers per capita in the US...3rd highest I believe. This is why PC thinking is so unwise. We judge others based on OUR realities and not usually on THEIRS. In a desire to encourage more "tolerance," we actually become intolerant of anything WE find the least bit offensive. Personally, I celebrate everyone's right to be offensive, wrong, and dumb. That doesn't mean I agree with them or enjoy their company, either. It just means I accept people for who they are and acknowledge their right to be who they want to be. It means I hold the individual's right to self-determination and freedom of expression above almost all other values. It means I am TOLERANT.

Single females profile... "but not" - - At the risk of taking this even further off topic...I look at honesty the same way I look at sin (not that I believe in the concept of sin). Observing and talking to my neighbors I've discovered that the majority have little "pet" sins that they unilaterally seem to deem more important to avoid than other sins. Some of my neighbors would never consider shopping on Sunday but don't have a problem working in their yards in rather skimpy (for them) attire during the summer. Others seem adamant that church attendance is more than mandatory but have no problem hitting Chuck A Rama after church. Still others are devout temple goers yet have confided that they have a single glass of champagne on New Years Eve. Honesty, to me, appears very similar. I know many swingers who are less than honest about their weight and/or age yet really seem to get upset if someone is less than honest about their relationship status. Still others state they are disease and drug free and demand the same in others yet I've seen them with cold sores (yup that's HSV people) and regularly partake in pot or use illegally obtained erection enhancing drugs. Honesty, like many things in life, is apparently quite flexible and indeed seems to be a matter of perspective. ps- Not bashing, insinuating or otherwise making any kind of judgment about the OP's or anyone else in this thread. Just some general observations.

Why so much hate in the swingers world... - - I'm playing doctor with my colon right now. I'm pretending a corona bottle is my scope. -D-

Are you a Swinger or Liver? - - Would "Ethical Non Monogamy" sound better to you. What we are talking about here is leaving the external societal rules behind and doing what we feel good with, sometimes that means we set our own rules. I'm sure that you have your own rules too, of one sort or anther. The Reason we Swingers have rules is that we enter this lifestyle with our own needs and wants and the needs and wants of our mates. We need to balance both while rejecting the conventional norm. Our sex life is like something out of an erotic novel that most people can't imagine is real, but we love it, rules and all.

Game ON....which sign is Hornier...(is that a word?) - zodiac signs of swingers? - So far here's the totals: Virgo is on a roll Scorpio 12 Cancer 11 Virgo 9 Gemini 8 Aries 7 Sagittarius 6 Libra 6 Leo 5 Pisces 5 Capricorn 5 Taurus 4 Aquarius 3

Polyamory - polyanorous couples. - I have heard this type of response from almost every poly person I have talked to. This is mainly why we decided to try it, there are so many Peri's and everyone seems to be incredibly strong because of it. Of course there are down sides but what relationship doesn't have problems? Thank you everyone for your input I really appreciate it! [quote=SUMINDYFUN]We have been in a Poly relationship with another couple for 2 years. There have been lots of great times and some rough times we have had to work through. It takes a completely stable marriage for the spouses and tons of open and honest communication from everyone involved. Both marriages are going on 20 yrs+ Every poly situation is different. Some have very strict rules, however we chose not to have rules. We just have mutual respect for one anothers marriages and each individual relationship between the four of us. If it ended today, I would have no regrets what so ever. Our lives have been enriched beyond belief and our marriages are stronger and happier than ever. I have learned so much about love, relationships, communication, and myself during these last couple of years and I wouldn't change a thing. We started out as Swingers and still have Swinger friends, but we are emotionally and sexually faithful to our partners. Five years ago, I could never fathom loving anyone else besides my husband. The other couple's kids are grown and we still have 2 at home. We will not tell our children the extent of our relationship with our couple until they are out of High School. Some Poly people blend homes and families. We chose not to do that, but do not judge those who do. Poly relationships are very challenging to say the least. It can be wonderful as well. Just my bit :)[/quote]

Interracial Sex - Would you? - Hi All~ Being new to this forum, but a veteran of other forums, I'd just like to add my humble opinion on the subject of bias & prejudice. Why it surprises anyone that it still exists in this lifestyle mystifies me. After all, we are a microcosm of society, and just because someone enters this lifestyle, it doesn't mean they leave a lifetime of learned prejudice at the door. I don't agree with it, and I'll never accept it, but I'm not surprised by it. If those with a bias do last in this lifestyle, they will eventually learn to accept all people for who they are. The alternative is that they don't last, because the majority of us will not accept them! If we as swingers can help just one other couple or person to become enlightened, then we've done far more than society as a whole. We are by far a marvelous bunch of people. J