Sedan Swingers in Kansas

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How has swinging made your marriage better? - - Communication (REAL communication) is the key but still it's not enough if someone really wants to stray or outright leave. There's been an interesting discussion on another swing site we're on about some of this topic and an old timer on there (who's now divorced) brought up something that we found interesting and that seems to be fairly ubiquitous in the lifestyle. It turns out that most women who have been in the lifestyle for a decent length of time have at one time or another (multiple times for Ms. Evil and some of the ladies we've known for some time) been told by a play partner (more often by a single male or even more often a vanilla guy...lot's of swingers seem to get a thrill out of vanilla hunting I guess) that if they were THEIR partner they would NEVER share them with another man. Think about that for a minute. With the way most women are raised and the messages society pounds into their heads about love, romance, fidelity, etc., how powerful are those words are. In fact let's take a little poll. Are there any women who've been in the lifestyle for, say, at least 5 years and play fairly frequently who have never had a guy tell them or insinuate that? Just curious.

That little nudge many of us need - - We think honesty is the best way to be. If she found out about the meeting without her knowledge, your tryst into the lifestyle may be over. Plus, she might feel the pressure to play at some point anyway. Also, she will always wonder if the next meeting is arranged without her knowledge. Evildoers is correct in meeting with zero chance of playtime. Take their advice. She will feel more relaxed and could enjoy herself with the pressure off. We will take it a step further: Step 1: Set up a date with ZERO playtime opportunity and let the other couple know that. Do something fun (a hike, Topgolf, etc) and get to know them. At the conclusion of the date, let them know that if they do not receive a message from YOU within 24 hours, you don't feel you are a match. Step 2: If you send a message to meet again, let them know your intent and your boundaries. For example, (kissing ok), (fondling ok), (bi kissing ok), (same room, separate room, either room ok), (nudity ok or not). But, speak honestly with each other about this. It's not nice to lead people on after you have committed. At the conclusion of the date, let them know that if they do not receive a message from YOU within 24 hours, you are not ready to go further. Step 3: If you send a message to meet again, let them know what is acceptable. For example (full swap or soft swap), (same room, separate rooms or either ok), (kissing or no kissing), (bi play) etc. Again, you will have to be honest with yourselves if you can do this. By a third date, the other couple has invested a lot of time in you. So, be nice and don't lead them on. Enjoy the playtime. Save enough time for the afterglow sex with them relaxing, chatting, and laughing. By this point, you may have found a couple that you can see multiple times. Doing vanilla activities with them might be a bonus. They may even introduce you to their lifestyle friends too. The other option is attending a house party where play is not expected. You will be able to speak to several couple and perhaps, use the process above. Or you can play that night. When we entered the lifestyle, we never had that couple who could mentor us. After we considered ourselves as no longer newbies, we became the newbie "whisperers" to offer what we never had. However, we've gotten away from newbies since our circle is with experienced swingers now. But with covid, we would date newbies again.

Going out on a limb... - - I'm not sure that what I am about to say has anything to do with this thread, but I am beyond pissed right now and I feel the need to vent... so here goes. Why do single males have a hard time? On another swingers site, a section of our profile states.. "Please be discreet when sending us a Yahoo instant message." There's nothing worse then having a message pop up on the screen that says "YOUR WIFE HAS GREAT TITS ARE YOU INTERESTED IN A HUNG SINGLE MALE?" While showing off your vacation pictures to visiting relatives, friends, etc." So what happens.... a message just like that pops up. I type back and say "Why would you send a message like that?" "Do you have any clue who is looking at this computer screen right now?" I get back... "I'm on [swinger site name] and I like your pics... do you want to meet?" I point out where it states being discreet on the IM and I add "What the hell is wrong with you sending messages like that?" Here's what I get back.... "WELL YOU'RE THE ONE LETTING STRANGE GUYS FUCK YOUR WIFE" Now we've played with many single guys... and I know that many many many are really nice and intelligent and mature.... but this one really set you all back several notches.... It just isn't worth it when I'm clued in to the mind set that exists among a percentage of you.

Weird sex laws. - Oral sex is bad but fucking a corpse not so much. - [quote=EVILDOERS]You have to admit, oral sex IS kinda creepy. But I'm willing to bet it's Obama's (or Holder's) fault. Or those damned libs. Or those damned conservatives. Or those damned swingers, they're RUINING the USofA! Or maybe it's rap music or gay marriage. Or possibly a direct result of Dancing With The Stars. [em]Emo_62[/em] [/quote] lol anti oral laws have been around since the 60's and before long before obama and even the devil bush clan

Meeting new swingers? - Where to meet them? - We bought the magazines, read the ads, and ... Fantasied about who, and what we do if we did...then we got our computer, and like most, started out with AOHELL .. and what to my wondering eyes did appear, but Chat rooms full of folks, that we could carry on conversations with thru the IMs... And the next thing you know.. it wasnt the ads, but real people carrying on real conversations about getting together... And we decided to try it... And we found we liked it... and the areas we were living in, had litterly 100s of people looking for playmates Then we jump ahead 5 yrs, and we move south to the sunshine state... The lifestyle is different here, More Party people, Club folks.. and Real Clubs Open for business.. We join a Yahoo group for locals and a group meet and greet is set up. We go to a quiet little bar with a deck over the water, and what do we findout.. The waitress and her boyfriend are into swapping... we find out there are people here, meeting in bars with out the net.. when we meet, folks we are interested in a public setting, and we tell all potential playmates we would prefer to meet and see how things go.. We try to stress we make no plans to play that night... But we dont rule it out either.. Depends on everyones comfort level.. Plan for anything expect nothing the first date... Ya never can tell...

Just looking for other couples happy with super soft and no swap - There must be more of us out there? - Im getting so confused. Seems there are so many rules and borders. I was in a room w a soft swap couple and the attitude was rude and didnt even want anyone watching and had the doors closed alone, now Im sorry but why would you go to a swingers club to have sex in a room alone and doors closed, how stupid. Been turned off to "soft swap" ever since. I respect everyone's bag but if you dont respect others, you'r not gonna get it back . Im very glad Im in the vegas swingers scene and not utah anymore.....and BTW any old couples I used to swing w....Mike will be in Vegas soon! lol

geting in LOVE while swinging - - Someone mentioned Polyamory. Poly people, at least in most communities, feel that swinging and poly are not compatible.. Fact is, why not? If you are open and honest about your poly leanings and totally honest with your mate and any relationships you may have... then why not poly as well. I know that several people in here and on other sites, swingers feel threatened if you are overtly open abut your feelings. If one truely loves and trusts their partner/SO/wives; husbands/girlfriends; bopyfriends and whatever other relationships that I may have missed, they should not be threatened. If you fall in love with someone that you have sex with.... you have 2 choices..... Tell that person and their spouse and your spouce and see where it goes or simply walk away with the thoughts and get on with your life. The 3rd option is not an option.... If one is poly...thier primary relationship/s take precedence. It is my belief that poly and swinging are not only compatable but that if love happens when one least expects it it has to be handled. Even the vanilla schmuck sees or talks to others and sometimes form closer relationships but don't wish that to affect their perfect marriage. How is that handled? Sometimes it simply cools down or sometimes it ends in a short or long term relationship with or without sex. So as they used to say on the TV sitcom Carter Country....."Han.dl it Han..dl it" Remember the old sage who said "shit happens"

Swingers now officially a high risk group for STDs and STIs - Do your own research - [quote=EVILDOERS]Perhaps more accurately, you were "STD (actually STI is a more current and descriptive term) free" at that moment you were tested (many STI's have various incubation periods before they are seriologically detectable-HIV can take up to 6 months). Additionally many STI's (most strains of HPV) there is currently no test for. So you are STI free for only those STI's that were tested for in your panel. There are MANY intections that can be spread sexually that one wouldn't normally consider an STD. Sorry, don't mean to shit in your Cheerios but far too many of us have a severe case of cognitive dissonance when it comes to STI's in the lifestyle. Swinging (and life, as pointed out by CHETDO) is a risk. You can minimize the risk somewhat by adopting certain protocols and behaviors but never decrease it to zero as long as you continue to swing. If you swing you must accept that you are engaging in risky behavior and be okay with that. We've been around the scene actively and inactivley for a long time and have seen and heard it all as far as those who would delude themselves that taking any of the above actions (other than monogamy) would make them safe from STI's. The sad truth is that MOST of us (if not all) have been exposed to and likely carry some form of STI already. If this were not the case they would offer Gardisil to adults. So that horse has likely already left the barn, so to speak. It's a little like riding a motorcycle. If you don't want to be involved in a motorcycle accident, don't ride. If you don't want an STI don't swing. Helmets (condoms) can help but some asshole can still run over you. [em]Emo_67[/em] [/quote] Well, it has pretty much been 6 months between test. As for HPV yes she even had a pap-smear. Most everybody on the planet that has ever been sexually active probably contracted HPV at some point the question is whether or not their bodies cleared it. In our case that seems to be the case. At least there is no visible evidence to be found. Well, frankly it will probably be a full year before we run into someone willing to be oh so exclusive, that we find attractive and they find us attractive etc., etc., and at that point there will be some re-testing. In the meantime, we will be happy fucking each other silly and maybe allowing others to watch us fuck each other silly whilst we watch them fuck each other silly. If that is how we roll, as these crazy kids put it, no problem. We will re-test in about three months and then six months and a year regardless. Neither one of us can count the number of people we have sexed up on both hands time three and some change since we started this swing thing. In all that time and with all the others we have known oh so intimately we have always remained more attracted to each other and aroused by each other then anyone else. As I keep saying.....We are pretty fucking lucky!! If monogamy is the order of the day, or the end all experience then let it be! We suspect there are still a few sexy adventures,including others in some fashion, yet left in life.

Swingers Vacation Spots - Help us - I always here about Hedo as the place to be for swingers and we have discussed going there too, but have heard some stories that there are mostly men there. Point in case I had 3 male friends go. Is there a certain time of year that is better for couples to go? I though we had heard something along those lines, there are certain weeks that are much better for couples that normal. Also....is there any place else that is good. We are planning to go to Vegas in November...was wondering what types of trouble we can find there......