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Young swingers party - sold out, who still wants to party ? - [quote=CHEFFETTE]That would be a brilliant way to make a bunch of quick cash off the oldsters, promise they'd be surrounded by nubile youngsters, then shrug your shoulders when it's mostly a wrinkle-palooza of 60-something men who'd have to admit they lied their way in.[/quote]
I think you just described the business model of every swinger-club in Vegas. =)
friday night - whats everyone doing - [quote=HRNYCOUPLETK]Drinks games pool hottub bedroom fun :-) anyone have a pool or hottub :-)
not just another night at a bar listening to drunks trying to sing lol. Swingers party at the bar however is always good.
maybe BBQ with some drinks and a fire pit.
Throwing ideas out there :-)[/quote]
Wait didn't we meet you at that bar the other night? I was that really drunk guy that sang really well!
Single Males - - [quote=EVILDOERS]
...get a girl to join you....Not only do you now "bring more to the table", but you have the added credibility that if you can find and finesse a girl into joining you in this little adventure we call swinging (whether it be a girlfriend, a wife, a second cousin twice removed, or just a hot fwb) you might just not be a giant douchecopter.[/quote]
Ignoring the need to "finesse" someone and unhealthy gender stereotypes in general, this line of reasoning is a little troubling as it presumes that a male's company is inherently worth less. Or that an absence of semi-romantic relationships somehow speaks poorly of his character. I personally think approaching someone whom you aren't already fairly close with and soliciting to go to a swingers party is a bit out of line. Especially if her company is sought as an accessory to demonstrate to others that he is not, as you say, “a douchecopterâ€. Call me old-fashioned.
[quote=EVILDOERS]
I know we can't be the only people who secretly wonder just a little bit about some single guys and why they aren't with somebody. Do they secretly hate women (yes, we've met some that actually do), are they just too lazy (or busy, maybe...but hey, we're all busy) to find someone, are they serial killers and/or just not very nice guys? [/quote]
Oh, I hope you are! That's a really unfortunate outlook to have. Promising relationships take time to find, let alone build to the requisite amount of trust and stability to try things like this. In the mean time, I don't see anything wrong with someone pursuing their interests while still holding out for someone worthy of their emotional investment. To me, that behavior is quite attractive should be respected! It doesn't get any better than someone who is confident, self-actualized, and motivated to pursue their desires. Sadly, it sounds their gender influences whether this is seen as a desirable trait.
I'm not sure how long you've been out of things (30 years?), but it's easy to forget the struggle when you're comfortable in a marriage. Things are more fluid. People don't feel the need to settle down like they used to.
[quote=EVILDOERS]I know many will say they've tried and swinging is a deal breaker for most women. After almost 3 decades in the swinging trenches meeting and talking to other people, both couples and singles, we would disagree....many, if not most, women could eventually come around to the idea of swinging once they feel safe and secure in a relationship.[/quote]
This is just confirmation bias if the evidence comes from a sample of people you have met while swinging.
[quote=EVILDOERS]...those of us who DID put in all the blood, sweat, and tears into a relationship and allow it to grow to the point of daring (don't think for a second we aren't risking a LOT in opening up our relationships to other people!) to allow others access to our significant other sometimes wonder why some others want to take a shortcut to all the sweet swinging bennies with little or no risk on their own part.[/quote]
If you're not comfortable sharing your wife with someone you might view as a potential competition, you definitely don't have to. On the other hand, there are a lot of people enjoy it :) This smacks of the old “you must suffer as I did†chestnut.
Safe Sex - How do you (or don't you) protect yourselves? - We now have the rule that we always use condoms. And we are still shopping around for the best ones that work for hubby. He would prefer not having to use them but not enough that he is going to stop. (Side Note: red condoms can have a BAD visual connotation for some guys)
I admit that when we started out we didn\'t use them the first couple of times we played. We then discovered that the first couple we played with doesn\'t use them at all. They had some of the same arguments I\'ve seen posted here. The fact that STD\'s can be transmitted via oral sex, condoms don\'t feel right, etc. I can see those points. But then we found out that they don\'t get tested at all and he picks up random chicks while traveling (with wife\'s knowledge and permision) I think that is the point that makes me the most uncomfortable. Most of the swingers we have met so far are very aware of STD\'s and take some precautions such as getting tested, condoms, etc. But I have seen the statistics on STD\'s in single sexually active people and it\'s like 1 in 4 and most don\'t know they are infected. So he is playing russian roulette in my opinion. We didn\'t know all this before we played with them.
So I guess the moral of the story is to talk with potential partners and ask questions!! For us newbies, it may be awkward and feel like you are being crass, nosy, or killing the spark, but the other couple should be willing to at least discuss it or maybe they aren\'t right for you!!
Carrie V.
Polyamorous Couple - Seeking girlfriend for husband - I (Mr. DandDMontreal) have not had any luck finding other poly people on this site as it's predominantly frequented by swingers (great for when we want to swing!). I have had a tiny bit of luck on OKCupid and I have found a lot of poly people on fetlife.com but online dating is generally terrible for poly men. I have had pretty good luck with attending poly events like poly cocktails and the most luck just generally being open about my poly in everyday life (not an option for everyone). Checkout https://utahpoly.org/ for details on poly events.
Cosplay ? - - bjkk;
[quote=EVILDOERS]I'd post the pics of us dressed as Marv and Goldie/Wendy from Sin City but our family has seen those pics and we'd prefer they not know we're swingers.
Anybody ever "played" (swinger-wise) while in costumes? I'm thinking it would take Cosplay to a WHOLE new level! [em]Emo_49[/em] [/quote]0
I kinda think that folks into playing as furrys fits that description. ~ Terry
Swingers in a vanilla bar... - - @JSTJIM72 - OK - so if they say 'no' - just how would you explain a swingers type of bar / club to someone who's vanilla? If it was you, and you were approached in a vanilla bar, how would the converastion go?
local swingers - local swingers - Local swingers
Same Sex Marriage - If you support - Well to make clear this is the MRS part of Stitchutah, I can't speak for him. As for me, I have to admit there are some of you whom posted that make some good points, and then there are some that make no sense to the forum at all. LOL! I really like some of your opinions and you make good points, such as Kinbaku, Thoughtgarden, and to some extent REally98. I have to say though that even though I have read every post to this topic I really don't know where I stand on this issue of same sex marriage. I have to be honest and say, I am torn. Some of you can respect that and others will bash it, but either way.....its just honesty.
I really like Kinbaku's point about who are we as swingers to judge a non traditional marriage when none of us married couples that swing and have open marriages can be considered "traditional" to the rest of the world. Infact, there are a lot of those outside of swingworld that place high judgement on our choice of lifestyle just as they do same sex marriages. ONe of you commented on (I can't remember who, maybe it was TR) or rather, asked how those that didn't agree with same sex marriages would feel if they couldn't be married to their spouse legally (excuse me if I got that question wrong, I believe that is how it was put) and I have to say to that.....being on both sides of the fence here, that if I couldn't be married to Mr Stitch, whom I love and cherish and will love and cherish for my entire life (just as I am sure a gay couple feels for their life partner) marriage to him does not change my feelings for him. I would still be with him, I would still love him just the same, my life wouldn't change as far as how I live or feel. I would still have my children and so forth. The only things it would change (which, mind you, are huge and helpful in our marriage) is our legal rights such as tax benefits, insurance (we don't have anyhow, but at least we have the option), and other things that I am not fully aware of I even have rights to. I am sure I take those rights for granited as I am sure other married couples do as well. I don't argue that point, at all. However, isn't there, and tell me if I am wrong, ways around some of those legal issues some of you have brought up (medical rights, when decision can't be made by person) by putting in a living will whom you've appointed power of attorney too? If same sex couples can't legally be married by laws set forth by the government then they just need to take extra precautions to protect what they can. They need to be proactive by doing whatever they can to protect their union. Yes, there are some things they won't be able to do anything about unless the law is changed, but there are some thing they can do, and they should do.
Like I said, I still don't know what side of the fence I fall on.....I don't entirely agree with same sex marriage, however, I don't entirely disagree with it either. It to me is a complicated issue, and its very possible that I complicate it myself. Where I agree with REALLY98 ( I believe is their names) is where they state....where do you draw the line? The government has a hand in almost everything we do, including marriage, and there isn't anything we can really do to change that. I tend to agree with the statement that somewhere down the road if we move that line and say...Okay, same sex marriage is legal, then some ppl may argue well, okay, same sex marriage is okay so now, me and my spouse want to be married to our girlfriend/boyfriend or hell the couple we swing with,...... now why can't we do that, marriage isn't defined anymore as just man and women, so why isn't my rights to legalize poly okay? Some may argue, that it would never happen, but I am posistive that if you ask older ppl in the community that if they thought they'd ever see same sex marriage being brought up I am sure they would say HELL NO, we thought we'd never see that day, and yet, here it is!
I just thought that was a good point that Really98 made.....now, the whole marrying an animal thing, ugggh, I really hope that day never comes, but then again, you never know what some ppl might do. (GRIN).
I, for one, never will judge a same sex couple....nor do I want to EVER seem as though I am judging them. I guess I really don't think there is anything wrong with same sex marriage, truthfully. The conclusion I have made for myself is....I will live my life with my family and do what I can to raise my children to be tolerate, loving, and non judgemental. We try everyday to raise them to make their own decisions based on how THEY feel about things, not what others think (and if you don't think that isn't a task, it certainly is!!!) I think this world is getting to be more and more complicated, and it will only get worse b4 it gets better (no, I am not a dooms day person) and all we can do as parents and as a family is protect whom we love the most that being, eachother, and our children. Thats all, I am sure, everyone wants to do here whether same sex or "traditional" (however you define that) so I suppose we are really have the same agenda in mind, right?
How to identify yourself as a Swinger - - [quote=NAUGHTYELFS][quote=DELICIOUSLYWET]We all come into a world full of pressures to fit in, put on the uniform and conform. Deep inside we have these desires, many of which are instinctual and that we can never really shed or mask and probably many more are a creation of environmental influences. We all seem to want to define ourselves as some sort of being with a center and we perhaps feel the need to display our behaviors to others and to ourselves as a cohesive definable, reliable and easy to understand image of a reality. In fact we are delightfully pliable and ever in motion and we can never really be defined as more than a snap shot in time never to be repeated at any given moment. The more rigidly we strive to label and define ourselves the more trapped and disillusioned we may feel. The application of our definitions on others may in fact become walls and barriers to deeper, sexier and more delightful interactions. Relax and experience. Ceasing to define ourselves and others may be the secret to discovering and more fully enjoying our own company and the company of others. Expect nothing and just be who you are moment by moment and as you feel desires in the moment toward others be honest. Words may be overrated and people will instinctually understand our desires beyond our words and a need for proper social decorum. Sex happens beyond and in spite of definitions. Sex that happens because of a definition may be less delightful than we expected. Hence we have all known "swingers" that become disillusioned and distance themselves from the "lifestyle". Did their sexual self die? Probably not. Did they begin to feel trapped? Possibly. Attraction including sexual attraction is very much a process of two or more individuals flowing together in a series of reactions to each other that builds and builds until sex and orgasms and joy and physical and mental epiphanies leaves the lovers swimming in a rapture beyond definitions.
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