Swingular - Swingers

Swingers Forum - When You See Someone You Know

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I recently had a couple reach out to me, and send some photos expressing interest. They also talked about the importance of discretion etc. The twist is, I actually know one of the people in real life.
In your opinion, what is the best way to inform them? Or do you? I would hate to create a reason for someone to feel stressed or embarrassed. The obvious answer is they are here, as am I, so no problem. However, the obvious answer of logic doesn’t always equal how someone might feel.

Also, kind of in the same realm. If you suspect friends in real life might be in the LS, how do you fish for that information without outting yourself?
Great questions....waiting for "more seasoned" responses🤣
We are always a bit nervous about the same set up....what if!!
If they’ve read this forum thread, knowing they contacted you, they probably at least suspect that they are the couple, you’re referring to, and that one of them already knows you. If that’s what’s happen their next move will let you know if it’s a problem.
We ran into my cousin, 20 years younger than me, and her new husband at a party. It was pretty chill, we just chatted for about 10 minutes, the usual surprised to see you here type of stuff, than we went our separate ways. It's never mentioned at family parties or reunions.

I own my own business and ran into one of my best customers and her husband at a party, again we chatted for a bit and went our separate ways. The encounter has never been mentioned in a work environment. And although they are in our age group I doubt we would ever hook up with them for various reasons, the biggest is I'd hate to screw up the business relationship.

I think most people use common sense when it comes to the LS.
I took the hot young trophy wife to her first lifestyle party last month. She was a little timid at first but was soon into the swing of things.... and than the funniest thing happened.... The wife ran into one of her old high school girlfriends at the party. They had been friends all through grade school and high school in addition to living across the street from each other for several years, but they had not seen each other in 20 years. Anyhow... when the chick walked in the door her and my wife ran to each other and started hugging. Everyone just looked at me and asks "are you sure this is her first swinger party".... LMAO...
Even if they see this post they may not be able to connect the dots and even more paranoid not knowing. Politely let them know who you are. It might even make them feel more comfortable. Most of the time we have seen where everyone were anxious initially but all realize we are here for the same reasons! If your are family it may make next thanksgiving interesting. We would definitely want to know who you are and that you know us. With some assurity that you will keep everything confidential and are here for the same reasons.
I would definitely say something up front, as soon as I knew. I would expect the same. As far as moving forward with taking it to the next level would depend on the couple or single that was involved and the established relationship to that point.
I think that honesty should be with them first, if they decide to continue in this flirtation, it would be great unless it bothers you. But for my personal opinion I would like them to be honest with us.
Defiantstranger wrote:

I recently had a couple reach out to me, and send some photos expressing interest. They also talked about the importance of discretion etc. The twist is, I actually know one of the people in real life.
In your opinion, what is the best way to inform them? Or do you? I would hate to create a reason for someone to feel stressed or embarrassed. The obvious answer is they are here, as am I, so no problem. However, the obvious answer of logic doesn’t always equal how someone might feel.
Also, kind of in the same realm. If you suspect friends in real life might be in the LS, how do you fish for that information without outting yourself?


Jeez hope it wasn’t us just sayin
must be me thay just run and hide and cant say hi at all thay know who thay are good pep it all good thank
This probably goes without saying, but if you do decide to let them know, reassure them of your continued discretion - let them know that you would never reveal anything to anyone.
We have run into people we know through profiles, at parties, and at resorts a long distance from home. If your doing this you need to understand that it will happen sooner or later. If they don't seem to have recognized us from a profile, we just let the situation cool. There are lots of opportunities without creating issues. If we meet face to face. We shake hands, usually have a cordial conversation, but state that we expect and provide complete discretion. You can only control yourself so there is always a risk of exposure, just one of many situations you will have to live with in the lifestyle. We have played with some and not played with others. So far honesty and respect has won out.
Defiantstranger wrote:

I recently had a couple reach out to me, and send some photos expressing interest. They also talked about the importance of discretion etc. The twist is, I actually know one of the people in real life.
In your opinion, what is the best way to inform them? Or do you? I would hate to create a reason for someone to feel stressed or embarrassed. The obvious answer is they are here, as am I, so no problem. However, the obvious answer of logic doesn’t always equal how someone might feel.
Also, kind of in the same realm. If you suspect friends in real life might be in the LS, how do you fish for that information without outting yourself?


What a great topic and a potentially sensitive one at that.

I think it is naïve for those of us who are active (at any level) in this community, to believe we can escape running into someone we know. It feels like this is /will be inevitable. We all depend on the honesty, integrity, and discretion of the people we meet in the LS.

How do we feel you should handle your situation??? We would state emphatically that Honesty is ALWAYS the best policy.

The real question is whether it turned you on that you knew/know one of them . . . or if it made your stomach turn (lol). We mean this most sincerely – and not just in the way of physical attraction. There are those we meet that if we met in the LS . . . because of how we know them . . . that we just could never bring ourselves to ‘play’ with. If it is that type of a situation – its best just to say so: e.g. “Although you are attractive, I could never bring myself to play with you guys because I know you . . ." If you are comfortable, share who you are, how you know them and how you feel about it.

We think that anyone in this LS that was offended by such a comment . . . should probably drop out of the LS immediately if not sooner! If this is not the case – then you lose nothing by continuing to pursue whatever you intended to do with them in the first place. We have found that knowing someone can actually enhance our excitement and enticement.

Having said that, and speaking purely from our perspective . . . there are a couple of guiding principles we use to formulate our responses to imagined scenarios: We are completely uninterested in hurting anyone. Not mentally, not physically, not emotionally . . . not individually, and especially not their couple-hood. It would be hard for either of us to play with someone who had been one of our ecclesiastical leaders, for example. Although we would be very intrigued to hear their path and how they found themselves in the LS – I don’t think that would lead to us ever considering them a ‘play’ partner. We would love to go to dinner with them and to explore or develop our friendship further in the LS – but that would likely never lead to ‘playing’ with them. Just too much emotional baggage to overcome and the ‘weirdness’ factor too great. It could be therapeutic for both of us to better understand how we got here - and that is intriguing to us.

On the other hand, we don’t have any issues playing with someone we know professionally (either them knowing us in our profession or the other way around), in fact, we have already crossed that boundary multiple times.

We feel it is important to understand that everyone finds themselves on this path for a reason. Nobody we know stumbled into it unwittingly or unwillingly. Each of us has made deliberate decisions to be here and we need to give everyone the benefit of a doubt that the path that led them here was valid and deliberate for them. We don’t ever judge people for the path they took that led them to drink from the enticing pools of this LS. We likewise do not want people to read into our behavior any judgement or imagine what cognitive dissonance we may/must have resolved to get here. At the end of the day . . . it just doesn’t matter. What does matter is that we all find ourselves connected to this community. That alone warrants a certain amount of affection, mutual respect and admiration, and latitude absent of judgement. It also demands our discretion.

Our policy on that is that your story is YOUR story . . . not ours. We try to never tell stories about anyone other than ourselves – and we expect the same from those who interact with us. This applies not just to the LS – this is a good policy to have in ALL areas of life. It is nobody’s business what you do in the privacy of your bedroom and visa versa. If you share the names of people you play with . . . you are outing them (even if you only use their screen moniker). Better to get explicit permission before sharing that information. Instead, try using phrases like "these friend of mine whom I play with . . . " instead of "I've played with ______ and ______". We've been surprised by how easily people share who they know in the LS.

Most of the negative fall out we have heard about in this LS relates to the religious outing of people. We cannot, for the life of us, understand what would drive someone to deliberately and perniciously 'out' anyone else in the LS. If we are not all careful - any of us could out someone by just not being careful about what info we share. For all of these reasons - Your stories are YOURS and our stories are OURS . . . please don't share our names without explicit permission. We promise to do the same.

Still – those who are overly concerned by that possibility . . . probably shouldn’t be playing in the pool . . . because getting wet is inevitable.

Hope that helps someone reading through these posts. A very cogent discussion DefinantStranger – best of luck navigating these bends in the road. Good luck!
Defiantstranger wrote:

I recently had a couple reach out to me


https://i.imgflip.com/227gx1.jpg

ITT: SM attempting to normalize SM/Couple interactions in the LS.