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What did you think swinging was going to be like for you and your partner before you actually did it?
How has it been different from your expectation?
We spent over 20 years in a happy and monogamous marriage before deciding to give it a try. Being pretty centered in our relationship, we expected to mostly run into other couples in a similar situation. We have met quite a few people much like us but we have met and enjoyed knowing people in way different situations, with really different approached toward life. It surprised us just a bit, but not that much, that there are quite a few, not the majority, but quite a few people who approach swinging quite ardently along the Wasatch. There are those who attend pretty much all the parties and events and that try and hook up every weekend. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with that whatsoever, we were just a bit surprised at how robust the scene really is here in Utah and at how many people are involved. As for human behavior, well having entered the scene a bit later in life we knew there would be all sorts of people involved. Some would be wonderful and some would not. We have been swinging for over a decade and for us it has been mostly fun. We have been in a few and still have a few ongoing relationships, and that is something we really enjoy. It does seem that like us, some of the people we most enjoy are also family people and have a lot going on in their lives so we don't see each other as often as we would, if time and schedules permitted it. We have also met with people who have something on their sexual bucket list that paired well with ours, and we went for it just for the sex and the fun and there is nothing wrong with casual sex. Both relationships and casual booty calls require a vetting process to maintain safety. So far we have been lucky. We reevaluate all the time and we talk about how we feel.
CHEFFETTE wrote:

What did you think swinging was going to be like for you and your partner before you actually did it?
How has it been different from your expectation?


There were FAR fewer women who looked like Playboy Playmates lolling around in the orgy pit at the Red Rooster, beckoning us to join them than we thought there would be.
ILLUSTRATOR wrote:

EVILDOERS wrote:

[quote=CHEFFETTE]What did you think swinging was going to be like for you and your partner before you actually did it?
How has it been different from your expectation?


There were FAR fewer women who looked like Playboy Playmates lolling around in the orgy pit at the Red Rooster, beckoning us to join them than we thought there would be.


There were far fewer men who looked like Bradley Cooper than anticipated. But I got over that quickly. The surprisingly high number of men jerking off in the sex-chair room at the Red Rooster was stunning. There was enough energy in that room to toast several pieces of bread.[/quote]

Brad was prolly upstairs in the couples area bangin' JLaw in the pooper.

And fwiw Ms. Evil says Ryan Reynolds has a much better body...and is WAY funnier.
CHEFFETTE wrote:

What did you think swinging was going to be like for you and your partner before you actually did it?
How has it been different from your expectation?


Been swapping my GF since Jr high, it was less complicated than it is now. Expectation of a swap was greater then, then now. Now is more about head games and the tease, and a lot more drama.
EVILDOERS wrote:

ILLUSTRATOR wrote:

[quote=EVILDOERS][quote=CHEFFETTE]What did you think swinging was going to be like for you and your partner before you actually did it?
How has it been different from your expectation?


There were FAR fewer women who looked like Playboy Playmates lolling around in the orgy pit at the Red Rooster, beckoning us to join them than we thought there would be.


There were far fewer men who looked like Bradley Cooper than anticipated. But I got over that quickly. The surprisingly high number of men jerking off in the sex-chair room at the Red Rooster was stunning. There was enough energy in that room to toast several pieces of bread.[/quote]

Brad was prolly upstairs in the couples area bangin' JLaw in the pooper.[/quote]

Evil, is it true Bradley brings his evil midget clone, Mini-Cooper, to all the sex clubs?
As long as we're talkin' celebs, is Ms. Evil the only one who wants to fuck Matthew McConaughey senseless in the back seat of his Lincoln and then knee him in the nuts for making such a douchey car commercial?
I would agree with Evil, us singles have nothing to swap except ourselves. I had no expectations of all of this before it began. I joined my gf and her bf for a threesome as my first step. We were having fun, not swinging. He did take us to a swing club in south Florida. I had no idea what to expect. I was surprised how enjoyable that first night was. Couldn't believe the amount of people, the place was packed with couples and singles for a theme type party. Her bf introduced me to friends, both couples and singles, he let me know who he played with and why. We watched, we did plenty of dancing. Her and I did some heavy petting, still remember the turn on being watched by others. We were invited to a party, we were there several hours. On the way to the party he told us who was going to be at the party. There were 6 couples and myself being the only single of any kind. Remember having this discussion with a bit older wife about how they got into this and why. People were having sex in the bedrooms, her husband was with others in the living room. Told her that this was my first night at the club, she asked and or seduced me,(which I found this to be my rush in all of this). I joined them. Subsequently they invited me to a party, let me know who was going to be there. I met another couple that night.
I still see my gf and her bf who are now married. Still see the couple from the first party and still see the couple I met at their party. Exactly how I meet others to this day. My play has evolved with these couples and with others. Drama only entered when I had gone back to college for my MA and met my husband. He didn't have the mind for this. I believe that type of man or woman is the reason for drama in this. I rarely go to clubs anymore. Larger parties are fun to see friends I have met but rarely play at those. See couples one on one and intimate parties, all knowing who is attending.
Obviously I was open to where I was lead at the beginning of all of this. At that first swing club I didn't meet anyone, single or couple that was over bearing or out of line. I am sure if that night hadn't gone well I would be able to tell my husband I had had a threesome when younger and that would have been that. I credit her bf to introducing me to people he thought I would enjoy meeting, not just leaving me at the door and telling me good luck.
Probably more than just my 2 cents.
DEEPMOAN wrote:

I would agree with Evil, us singles have nothing to swap except ourselves. I had no expectations of all of this before it began. I joined my gf and her bf for a threesome as my first step. We were having fun, not swinging. He did take us to a swing club in south Florida. I had no idea what to expect. I was surprised how enjoyable that first night was. Couldn't believe the amount of people, the place was packed with couples and singles for a theme type party. Her bf introduced me to friends, both couples and singles, he let me know who he played with and why. We watched, we did plenty of dancing. Her and I did some heavy petting, still remember the turn on being watched by others. We were invited to a party, we were there several hours. On the way to the party he told us who was going to be at the party. There were 6 couples and myself being the only single of any kind. Remember having this discussion with a bit older wife about how they got into this and why. People were having sex in the bedrooms, her husband was with others in the living room. Told her that this was my first night at the club, she asked and or seduced me,(which I found this to be my rush in all of this). I joined them. Subsequently they invited me to a party, let me know who was going to be there. I met another couple that night.
I still see my gf and her bf who are now married. Still see the couple from the first party and still see the couple I met at their party. Exactly how I meet others to this day. My play has evolved with these couples and with others. Drama only entered when I had gone back to college for my MA and met my husband. He didn't have the mind for this. I believe that type of man or woman is the reason for drama in this. I rarely go to clubs anymore. Larger parties are fun to see friends I have met but rarely play at those. See couples one on one and intimate parties, all knowing who is attending.
Obviously I was open to where I was lead at the beginning of all of this. At that first swing club I didn't meet anyone, single or couple that was over bearing or out of line. I am sure if that night hadn't gone well I would be able to tell my husband I had had a threesome when younger and that would have been that. I credit her bf to introducing me to people he thought I would enjoy meeting, not just leaving me at the door and telling me good luck.
Probably more than just my 2 cents.



Your recollections of your friends and how you began your journey are very warm and sensual. This is what it should be for a lot of us who continually wander but never are lost. Thank you for sharing!
Don't get me wrong, we've had plenty of fun times with singles as well as couples but what is it about swinging that ATTRACTS singles? Is it the forbidden fruit or fucking someone else's spouse? Or is there something in the single world that would preclude them from having their own big free for all sex events? It's been SO many years since I was single that I don't really know what it's like out there in singleland. I hear a lot about 'hook-up culture' but don't really know what it is. I guess I've just always been very curious as to the appeal of swinging with couples for singles.
EVILDOERS wrote:

Don't get me wrong, we've had plenty of fun times with singles as well as couples but what is it about swinging that ATTRACTS singles? Is it the forbidden fruit or fucking someone else's spouse? Or is there something in the single world that would preclude them from having their own big free for all sex events? It's been SO many years since I was single that I don't really know what it's like out there in singleland. I hear a lot about 'hook-up culture' but don't really know what it is. I guess I've just always been very curious as to the appeal of swinging with couples for singles.


As a single (and I only speak for myself)it is not the forbidden fruit of another spouse, I have had plenty of married and "involved" women not on this site. As for the free for all sex events we have that at any club where single gather.

I personally want to explore ever succulent moment of this glorious journey of life and this is just one small piece of the cosmic pie.
DREAMIN73 wrote:

EVILDOERS wrote:

Don't get me wrong, we've had plenty of fun times with singles as well as couples but what is it about swinging that ATTRACTS singles? Is it the forbidden fruit or fucking someone else's spouse? Or is there something in the single world that would preclude them from having their own big free for all sex events? It's been SO many years since I was single that I don't really know what it's like out there in singleland. I hear a lot about 'hook-up culture' but don't really know what it is. I guess I've just always been very curious as to the appeal of swinging with couples for singles.


As a single (and I only speak for myself)it is not the forbidden fruit of another spouse, I have had plenty of married and "involved" women not on this site. As for the free for all sex events we have that at any club where single gather.

I personally want to explore ever succulent moment of this glorious journey of life and this is just one small piece of the cosmic pie.


So is that something ONLY available in the swinger community? Is there something in the singles community that precludes that kind of exploration? Again, just curious. Not judging or denigrating your response. I'm even more curious now that you've stated that the sex can be had "at any club where single gather". Is the sex here inherently different than the sex you would find there?
All good questions Evil

The only difference seems to be timing.

odds are that on this site the chances of hooking up are almost assured and at a club one must pursue a successful outcum. Still inevitable just a bit more of a challenge. And that is exhilarating.

As with he club scenario it would be different in that you could pick up a single and have amazing sex or you might meet a couple and he says hey lets all party together. Just a different way of doing it.
Like we all have our favorite positions but occasionally we want to try others just because we haven't in awhile...
Thinking back there probably was that hook up culture around when I started doing this but I preferred to hook up with women. When I would hook up with a guy I was disappointed. Not wanting to be continually disappointed I stuck with women. Some had BFs that knew they were with other women, some didn't. My first threesome actually was the result of my continuos bitching about the men I was meeting. Was with my gf, probably the closest and the the one I would bitch the most to. I did know she was in a relationship she would gush to me about. He was aware we were together. I had never met him and he was living out of town currently. Definitely the reason we saw so much of each other. I am sure I was bitching again, she told me while being together that her man was going to have me, she told me he would make me feel great and they had talked about having a threesome with me. This was the first time I had heard he was 17 years older than us, previously married. She told me that he had taken her to Trapeze and they had played with others. I was floored, I knew some friends had threesomes but that was it. Was going to happen that night, we had been having sex and smoking and talking about the impending threesome which was absolutely turning me on. She picked out my lingerie, all happened quickly, he walked in, she introduced us and he kissed me and she kissed me and we were off. She was correct, he changed the way I thought about men or that I knew I really enjoyed having sex with him. Same guy that took me to trapeze with her.
At the beginning it was being with women because that was comfortable to me but adding an experienced male that could separate love and sex. Quickly that couple and the couples they were introducing were expanding my sexual boundaries and would have to say that is why I continued swinging or single swinging. It evolved when a wife I had met had asked me if I would join them. They were going to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary and asked if I would join them. Was going to be in the same bridal suite they had their wedding night in. Her and I had bought more of a pseudo sexy wedding gowns, We wore the same kind of lingerie that she wore on her wedding night. We had matching heels and definitely not the kind she wore on her wedding night. The biggest turn on for me was not their bodies but how incredibly connected they were. When she told me about her surprise you could hear the love in her voice with every word. To be apart of that is why I do this.
DEEPMOAN wrote:

Thinking back there probably was that hook up culture around when I started doing this but I preferred to hook up with women. When I would hook up with a guy I was disappointed. Not wanting to be continually disappointed I stuck with women. Some had BFs that knew they were with other women, some didn't. My first threesome actually was the result of my continuos bitching about the men I was meeting. Was with my gf, probably the closest and the the one I would bitch the most to. I did know she was in a relationship she would gush to me about. He was aware we were together. I had never met him and he was living out of town currently. Definitely the reason we saw so much of each other. I am sure I was bitching again, she told me while being together that her man was going to have me, he told me he would make me feel great and they had talked about having a threesome with me. This was the first time I had heard he was 17 years older than us, previously married. She told me that he had taken her to Trapeze and they had played with others. I was floored, I knew some friends had threesomes but that was it. Was going to happen that night, we had been having sex and smoking and talking about the impending threesome which was absolutely turning me on. She picked out my lingerie, all happened quickly, he walked in, she introduced us and he kissed me and she kissed me and we were off. She was correct, he changed the way I thought about men or that I knew I really enjoyed having sex with him. Same guy that took me to trapeze with her.
At the beginning it was being with women because that was comfortable to me but adding an experienced male that could separate love and sex. Quickly that couple and the couples they were introducing were expanding my sexual boundaries and would have to say that is why I continued swinging or single swinging. It evolved when a wife I had met had asked me if I would join them. They were going to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary and asked if I would join them. Was going to be in the same bridal suite they had their wedding night in. Her and I had bought more of a pseudo sexy wedding gowns, We wore the same kind of lingerie that she wore on her wedding night. We had matching heels and definitely not the kind she wore on her wedding night. The biggest turn on for me was not their bodies but how incredibly connected they were. When she told me about her surprise you could hear the love in her voice with every word. To be apart of that is why I do this.


Very well put Deep :)
CHEFFETTE wrote:

What did you think swinging was going to be like for you and your partner before you actually did it?
How has it been different from your expectation?

With me sharing my lady friends and wife's with my male friends most my life I really don't have and answer of of the different expectation. An my current wife has been swinging with me since we 1st met. For us 80% has been Me-Her&him the few times we get another couple its been great but its mostly Me-Her&him.
DREAMIN73 wrote:

All good questions Evil

The only difference seems to be timing.

odds are that on this site the chances of hooking up are almost assured and at a club one must pursue a successful outcum. Still inevitable just a bit more of a challenge. And that is exhilarating.

As with he club scenario it would be different in that you could pick up a single and have amazing sex or you might meet a couple and he says hey lets all party together. Just a different way of doing it.
Like we all have our favorite positions but occasionally we want to try others just because we haven't in awhile...


So that kind of begs the question of whether or not swinger sex is perhaps seen as more of a sure thing. I know quite a few single guys often have that stereotype and are sorely disappointed once they enter the lifestyle.
Single guys in the lifestyle if they choose could get laid every week like some of my wife past lovers they only have to commit to 1 couple now for playing in the bar singles have a less chance of getting laid less they pursue it.
EVILDOERS wrote:

Don't get me wrong, we've had plenty of fun times with singles as well as couples but what is it about swinging that ATTRACTS singles? Is it the forbidden fruit or fucking someone else's spouse? Or is there something in the single world that would preclude them from having their own big free for all sex events? It's been SO many years since I was single that I don't really know what it's like out there in singleland. I hear a lot about 'hook-up culture' but don't really know what it is. I guess I've just always been very curious as to the appeal of swinging with couples for singles.


I've posted this before, but for me as a single woman who wanted to have NSA sex w/ genuinely single men but didn't want to feel like whomever I was w/ treated me as less than a person or judged me w/ ideas about shame and other horseshit, swinging initially meant an abundance of single men less likely to voice sexist trash talk about my choice to have the sex I wanted w/ whom I wanted when I felt like it rather than according to a timetable meant for another century. As I grew more familiar w/ the swinging world it also meant a place where I could speak frankly and reasonably expect others to do the same, hopefully learning for myself and dispelling harmful ideas others might have about sex, the power of sex and gender identity and authenticity overall.
A woman pushing the boundaries of sexual activity appears to be less extreme than when a couple or man does it; having less freedom to express ourselves to begin w/ (in general) almost any amount of sexual liberation a woman shows is seen as a huge step.
CHEFFETTE wrote:

EVILDOERS wrote:

Don't get me wrong, we've had plenty of fun times with singles as well as couples but what is it about swinging that ATTRACTS singles? Is it the forbidden fruit or fucking someone else's spouse? Or is there something in the single world that would preclude them from having their own big free for all sex events? It's been SO many years since I was single that I don't really know what it's like out there in singleland. I hear a lot about 'hook-up culture' but don't really know what it is. I guess I've just always been very curious as to the appeal of swinging with couples for singles.


I've posted this before, but for me as a single woman who wanted to have NSA sex w/ genuinely single men but didn't want to feel like whomever I was w/ treated me as less than a person or judged me w/ ideas about shame and other horseshit, swinging initially meant an abundance of single men less likely to voice sexist trash talk about my choice to have the sex I wanted w/ whom I wanted when I felt like it rather than according to a timetable meant for another century. As I grew more familiar w/ the swinging world it also meant a place where I could speak frankly and reasonably expect others to do the same, hopefully learning for myself and dispelling harmful ideas others might have about sex, the power of sex and gender identity and authenticity overall.
A woman pushing the boundaries of sexual activity appears to be less extreme than when a couple or man does it; having less freedom to express ourselves to begin w/ (in general) almost any amount of sexual liberation a woman shows is seen as a huge step.


Do you think that's a common experience for single women and more specifically single women in swinging? And do you think it translates to single men's experience as well? I really trust your viewpoint and your insight as you seem to have an uncommon grasp of what swinging is to YOU specifically and also have seen a lot of the bullshit that exists in the lifetyle.
Illustrator you and evil keep the forums so funny, thanks for the laughs.

To get on topic however, we had no idea the fun and enjoyment or type of people that did this before becoming participants. We have been lucky because most of the swingers we have met are just great people that really enjoy sex. How simple and easy can it get.
EVIL - I 'm all about Matt in the backseat of his Lincoln. I'd only hope his leather seat are covered by the warranty when my heels poke holes though them. Been there, done the interior damage.
EVILDOERS wrote:

CHEFFETTE wrote:

[quote=EVILDOERS]Don't get me wrong, we've had plenty of fun times with singles as well as couples but what is it about swinging that ATTRACTS singles? Is it the forbidden fruit or fucking someone else's spouse? Or is there something in the single world that would preclude them from having their own big free for all sex events? It's been SO many years since I was single that I don't really know what it's like out there in singleland. I hear a lot about 'hook-up culture' but don't really know what it is. I guess I've just always been very curious as to the appeal of swinging with couples for singles.


I've posted this before, but for me as a single woman who wanted to have NSA sex w/ genuinely single men but didn't want to feel like whomever I was w/ treated me as less than a person or judged me w/ ideas about shame and other horseshit, swinging initially meant an abundance of single men less likely to voice sexist trash talk about my choice to have the sex I wanted w/ whom I wanted when I felt like it rather than according to a timetable meant for another century. As I grew more familiar w/ the swinging world it also meant a place where I could speak frankly and reasonably expect others to do the same, hopefully learning for myself and dispelling harmful ideas others might have about sex, the power of sex and gender identity and authenticity overall.
A woman pushing the boundaries of sexual activity appears to be less extreme than when a couple or man does it; having less freedom to express ourselves to begin w/ (in general) almost any amount of sexual liberation a woman shows is seen as a huge step.


Do you think that's a common experience for single women and more specifically single women in swinging? And do you think it translates to single men's experience as well? I really trust your viewpoint and your insight as you seem to have an uncommon grasp of what swinging is to YOU specifically and also have seen a lot of the bullshit that exists in the lifetyle.[/quote]

I don't think I am a swinger in any sense of the word; I'm mainly here for the abundant, non-judgmental dick. However, being around this site and its membership for a year I have certainly encountered swinger-specific bullshit; I see people who have a sexual fantasy that involves their partner that they may even pursue to a certain point w/o their partner's knowledge; I've seen married people (primarily husbands) who are sick of sex w/ their own spouse and they hope to convince another couple to swap but when the time comes only intend to do what everyone would call cheating.
They will be petulant assholes when called on this. They will be Houdini when sent a screenshot of their wife's Facebook page and the words, 'Message Sent'.
Something I didn't expect to see is the aftermath of a divorce or death of one half of a swinger couple; from a safe emotional distance the pain a person can go through is even worse as being single now the community is suddenly much more closed to them and they relied on it for enjoyment in a large part of their life. There's no easy answer to that one.

I don't believe my experiences are common for single women who play in the whole swinging community, but I can't say for sure as I don't know any in person and those few I've known online have had different ideas about many things than I have.
Interesting. So do you sort of consider yourself maybe like a serial monogamist or would you ever entertain the idea of swinging with another couple if your partner wanted to try it? There's a thread on another swing site we're on dealing with the conundrum of singles (predominately males but apparently unicorns as well) who wouldn't consider actually swapping partners if they had a bf/gf/spouse...but are more than happy to fuck someone else's. I know that's not your case since you don't play with married guys in any case.



Btw, I actually know the answer to all/most of my questions but I think this might be educational for the rank and file.
EVILDOERS wrote:

Interesting. So do you sort of consider yourself maybe like a serial monogamist or would you ever entertain the idea of swinging with another couple if your partner wanted to try it? There's a thread on another swing site we're on dealing with the conundrum of singles (predominately males but apparently unicorns as well) who wouldn't consider actually swapping partners if they had a bf/gf/spouse...but are more than happy to fuck someone else's. I know that's not your case since you don't play with married guys in any case.



Btw, I actually know the answer to all/most of my questions but I think this might be educational for the rank and file.


All the nopes.
Monogamy is, for me, suffocating. I've had a regular FWB for just over 7 months while occasionally having sexyfuntimes w/ other guys who turned out to be not regular FWB material; the FWB has been seeing a second gal for about 3 months now and she is not monogamous either (I bet we go through a ton of condoms between the polycule of us); that is what I want in my life right now. To only see people who also want to see other people. I believe it may be what I've always wanted and couldn't pursue before for various reasons of religion and decorum and fear. I have cheated on a guy to date or fuck his friend on several dishonorable occasions and they were my fault for not admitting exclusivity wasn't what I wanted. I will die alone rather than do that ever again.

I don't feel I'd enjoy a swap-type situation b/c I'm very mental* in my approach to sex; how awful would one of the 4 potential swappees feel if their intended swap partner didn't feel attracted to them? I don't want that kind of pressure.

*What if they don't know their 240Z from a hole in the ground? What if they have to look at the badge to tell a Volare from a Duster? What if they don't know where their towel is? What if they think growing food is 'stupid, it's cheaper to buy it from the store'? I cannot fuck those guys and enjoy the experience.
I'll show you my Gremlim if you'll show me your Vega (or Pinto...I'm not proud).
EVILDOERS wrote:

I'll show you my Gremlim if you'll show me your Vega (or Pinto...I'm not proud).


As a fellow old person you know the Pinto was a perfectly cromulent vehicle whose single engineering flaw (which the Mustang had for FAR longer) was limited to three model years. My first car was a Pinto, my family has through racing and rallying owned nearly a dozen of them and I shall defend Pintos to the end of my days.
Mine was a '69 Olds Cutlass with a Hurst 4 speed. It was at the gas station getting the alternator tested (while I was at cross country practice) and a big gust of wind blew one of those big old tire racks over on it and squished it.

http://media.motortopia.com/files/34064/vehicle/4ff2d12fa6eab/128_5946.jpg
TD_NINE wrote:

As a new comer into the swinging world, it's been a good experience for me as a single male and I wouldn't think it's that uncommon for a single male and female to actually become a couple and begin to start playing with other couples


It's actually more uncommon than you'd think. If I were you I'd consider battin' (or catchin', whichever you prefer) for the other team on occasion.

http://www.documentingreality.com/forum/attachments/f3/230797d1291301202-o-surprise-butt-secks-f-surprise-butt-sex-9509.jpg
I don't even remember not swinging -1998-
the 90's sucked anyways