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Translating Personals/Swingers Ads - - HOW TO TRANSLATE PERSONAL ADS:
WOMEN'S ADS
40-ish...................................49
Adventurer...........................Slept with all your friends
Athletic................................No boobs
Average looking...................Has a face like a basset hound
Beautiful...............................Pathological liar
Contagious Smile..................Does a lot of Ecstasy
Educated..............................Banged her Political Science professor
Emotionally Secure...............Medicated
Feminist...............................Fat ballbuster
Free spirit............................Junkie
Friendship first.....................Trying to live down reputation as a slut
Fun......................................Annoying
Gentle..................................Comatose
Good Listener......................Borderline Autistic
New-Age............................All body hair, all the time
Old-fashioned......................Lights out, missionary position only, no BJs
Open-minded......................Desperate
Outgoing..............................Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate............................Sloppy drunk
Poet.....................................Depressive Schizophrenic
Professional..........................Certified Bitch
Redhead...............................Bad dye-job
Reubenesque........................Grossly Fat
Romantic..............................Looks better by candle light
Social...................................Has been passed around like an hors d'oeuvres tray
Voluptuous...........................Very Fat
Height/weight proportional....Hugely Fat
Wants Soulmate...................Stalker
Widow.................................Drove first husband to shoot himself
Young at heart. ....................Old bat
--------
MEN'S ADS
40-ish.....................................52 and looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic...................................Watches a lot of NASCAR
Average looking......................Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back
Educated................................Will patronize the shit out of you
Free Spirit..............................Banging your sister
Friendship first.......................As long as friendship involves nookie
Fun........................................Good with a remote and a six pack
Good looking.........................Arrogant
Very good looking..................Dumb as a board
Honest....................................Pathological Liar
Huggable................................Overweight, more body hair than a bear
Likes to cuddle.......................Insecure mama's boy
Mature...................................Older than your father
Open-minded.........................Wants to sleep with your roommate but she's not interested
Physically fit............................Does a lot of 12-ounce curls
Poet.......................................Wrote ex-girlfriend's phone number on a bathroom stall
Sensitive.................................Cries at chick flicks
Very sensitive.........................Gay
Spiritual..................................Got laid in a cemetery once
Stable.....................................Arrested for stalking, but not convicted
Thoughtful...............................Says "Excuse me" when he farts
Gym - - There are actually a fair number of swingers we know at our Gold's. There are probably more than we even know about but most of the peeps there seem to be pretty serious about their workouts and don't seem to be looking for hookups. Too bad they don't have like a swinger's hour or maybe a Wife Swap Till You Drop class. ;-)
Why did you become a swinger? - Did you lose a bet? - Well, we all know "why" we became swingers. The question is "how" did we become swingers.
Long before we were in the lifestyle, we wanted to go to a topless resort for a vacation. A friend suggested Hedo. We didn't know anything about the resort, and we didn't have a PC back in the 90s. But we booked the trip anyway. We were completely shocked when we saw what was happening. It never occurred to us that such a place could exist. We ultimately became intrigued and years later, we jumped in.
Evil's latest poll. Fellas, would you ever... - - And fwiw this "poll" was meant to be facetious and to sort of poke fun at the mores and attitudes and hard dying dogmas of swinging. I'm the last guy who really wants to suck a cock but since I've been a swinger I've occasionally wondered if my aversion to male/male play was something hardwired into me or if it was something society force fed me. We expect swinger ladies to at very least be bi-comfortable yet expect the opposite in men. I just think it's interesting that there exists that double standard and wondered aloud what it might take (if anything) for a totally straight guy to be a little more "flexible". I'm not in anyway advocating that anyone should suck a dick if they don't want to. Happy Hump Day all you naughty nasty swingers! [em]Emo_12[/em]
KUTV News Story on Swingers - News - Actually we were never in "a rut" but after being force fed the church all of our lives as a young married couple we started wondering what we might have missed out on by being good little Mormons. Almost 30 years later we're still here and still kickin' it. FUCK YOU, Channel Two! [em]Emo_25[/em]
Swingers In Uniform - Pay your memorial day respects here. - Hey Juan -
I've got 20 + years in.
How many do you have?
Hey Juan, still there?
Juan?
Juan?
Anyone heard from Juan latly?
Not that anyone cares...
NUFUNCPL - OUT
Im's a Professional............................. - No pic..... blurred pics - We only like amateur swingers.
What sets you apart from other swingers - Lets see whos looking for what. - Uhhh....we're horny, LOVE to have fun and we LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE sex ;)
Maybe later when I'm in a less smartassed mood I'll answer this more politically correct :D
UNIVERSAL "SWINGER" SIGN - UNIVERSAL "SWINGER" SIGN - We like the rings idea. It would be nice on a bumper sticker. It would be like seeing a rainbow bumper sticker identifying gay and lesbians. The rings would identify swingers.
Know any Mormon swingers in SoCal? - Single girl in SoCal wants to know! - Well....honestly....it's kind of 'hot' to hookup with other mormons...Kind of like I'd love to find out about actual stories of BYU professors getting it on with their students.
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