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Slowing Things Down - An argument for taking your time. - That's a lot.... did ya'll cramp up typing this? Whew !
On the topic, we are always friends first... it makes the actual play much better ( in our own humble opinion )
[quote=DELICIOUSLYWET]A nice, slow, buildup might be ideal. In the vanilla world, the buildup often begins long before the first date. You meet a co-worker, or a fellow student, or someone who you see at the coffee shop, and there is some immediate attraction, and eventually you connect on a more physical level. If we are hoping to make those sort of connections, within the swinging lifestyle community, then we are going to have to find a way to run into lifestyle people frequently, and casually. If there is no, or limited opportunities to just run into swingers, enough to build relationships like that, then the way we end up meeting is through dating. If you are swiping right and you are vanilla dating, online, if there is shared chemistry and attraction, you will have a second date and so on and so forth. If the chemistry is super hot, even in the vanilla world, people sometimes fuck on the first date. If the sexual intimacy was superb, that might just accelerate the depth of the shared communications, the amount, and the quality of the time together. The way we see it, if there is some super hot chemistry, on a swinging date, if sexual intimacy happens, the same sort of acceleration in the relationship might happen. It might not. If it doesn't and the sex was good, well, good sex beats mowing the lawn.
For us, we raised five kids, who all grew up to be happy, healthy successful adults. All but one of our kids have significant others. Some have kids, which makes us grandparents. Our kids and our grandkids, really like us, love us, and we really like and love them, so we spend a lot of time together. We have friends from work and friends from the neighborhood, and we have jobs. Seriously, dating, at the level we dated, when we were wooing each other, in terms of time, well we just don't have it. If non-monogamy was the openly celebrated norm, and friends openly fucked each other, as a normal part of a friendship, then we would all just naturally end up in those sorts of relationships. Well, except the assholes. Assholes don't flow into meaningful relationships. They take advantage of people's vulnerabilities and loneliness. Manipulation isn't friendship. Demanding people, who wish to break you into the vision of their expectations don't want to be your friend. No give, just take. You'll never be able to give them enough. You owe them nothing, and yet, they will shame you for not giving them exactly what they want when they want it. If we can all just avoid the assholes, then what we do get to share with good caring people, is a privilege and for lack of a better term, a blessing. Good people, reaching out, accept and defend each other's vulnerabilities, even if that means some disappointment and patience, and that takes an honest caring person. Sexual desire honestly expressed is surrounded with vulnerability, and romance even more. I changed subjects there for a moment. Since what swingers do is considered taboo, as a social norm, then that leaves dating. Let's face it. Dating is hit and miss, when it comes to making a lasting connection. When four people are involved dating becomes maybe a bit more complicated. We are not apposed to the slow burn buildup. If we meet someone and there is a spark, that is the motivation. If there really is a nice shared spark, and they want to jump ahead and build the fire, we probably won't say no. [/quote]
Question - do you talk about other swingers? - We agree that name dropping is a bad thing and in the few years that we have been in this lifestyle we have only had one bad experience and the funny thing is when we vaguely describe the experience only when asked (this means NO names, ScreenNames, locations or anything like that) we ALWAYS get the same response... Ohh so you met "ScreenName" too... our mouth usually hits the floor with the "how the fuck" look.
but other than that we would never kiss n tell because its no one else's business who we have or have not met or been with .
Do you cut to the chase? - What's your history - [quote=DELICIOUSLYWET]We have noticed, that perhaps people who started swinging young, at the time their lives together were developing, as was their social circle, tend to have more friends that are swingers, that they hang out with on a regular basis. If more of their good friends swing, then hooking up, is perhaps, just part of what happens as they socialize. If their friend's friends are also mostly swingers, then it may accelerate the possibility that they will easily meet new lovers. People who entered into the swing scene later in life, who may have already developed a busy social circle, mostly within the vanilla world, may look at swinging a bit differently. It's not like you want to drop your long time social circle, just because they don't swing. Again, how swinging plays out in one's life is most probably affected by every other aspect of one's life. We started swinging when I was 48 or 49 and Mrs. Delicious was 41 or 42. We lived a very busy life, and were involved in a lot of different activities prior to that time. During the decade plus that we have been swingers, our lives have really only gotten busier. Most of our vanilla friends know we are pretty open minded and liberal. We have been involved in volunteer efforts through schools and other secular sources of community out-reach too. Some of our friends, colleagues and associates know we swing. A few are also swingers. Our vanilla friends are much more numerous than our swinger friends. We enjoy people. Swingers, that can and do easily and tastefully, move about within family, and vanilla society, tend to be a good fit for us when it comes to deeper friendships. We do enjoy hooking up with people that may be a bit more swing-centric too. We just won't be at all the house parties, events and or meet and greets very often. We will show up every now and again. [/quote]
Would agree very much with Delicious, usually do. Started young before being married, even when married large percentage of my friends were swinging or checking it out, only friends that were not were his, converted some. After my divorce and moving back to Miami a large majority to this day are swingers. One aspect is work, mostly business relationships, not swinging with any but having sex with. Rarely go to parties or functions where I don't know all because my social circle are all friends that swing. So if I had to answer it would b or a. Rarely run into or introduced to swingers I don't know. Very happy with my circle and rarely meet anyone I want to be with. Of course some exceptions, but not many.
I Don't Care if You LIKE Me... Let's F**K! (???) - - Ok... We recently (accidentally) overheard a conversation between three "newbie" couples. Earlier, we had talked to them and during the conversation had briefly mentioned our personal ideas about "Friendships" vs. "Notches on the Bedpost". (We're Pro-Friendship). We explained that we have many friends in the Lifestyle that we have never played with - as (we believe) most Swingers do. (?)
Anyway, during the course of the later (overheard) conversation we heard from two different participants the comment (and I quote), "I don't CARE if you LIKE me, Just F**k me and I don't care if I never see you again."
At first, we were annoyed with this attitude. Then somewhat amused. Now we're just curious... about how many "Seasoned" Swingers have this "You don't have to like me - Just let me F**k you" attitude... and how exactly that works? (We figure that if we don't like someone, why in the world would we share ourselves THAT PERSONALLY with them?) HOWEVER, we realize that not everyone thinks like we do and that there are a lot of different attitudes and feelings about the Lifestyle... and we're really curious now! Please share YOUR TAKE on this? We're not looking for validation on our own Lifestyle Ideas and Values (we don't need it), but we DO have Inquiring Minds and we're interested... No Judgments... Just Pure, Simple Curiosity......
Kik group for UT swingers. - Contact me if your interested in joining a KIK group for Swingers - Motoxj33 on kik
Do you mix your vanilla and lifestyle friends? - - Though I have to add that we have been to a few parties/bbq's where it has been mixed...never really turned out that well cuz everybody knows after a few drinks us swingers can't keep our hands to ourselves or our own partners...hehehe
New to Spanish fork - Finally moved - [quote=ANDRAYWAY_SHANAYNAY]jeeps... maybe we should have a little get together with a bunch of swingers in moab
[/quote]sounds like fun!!!
Girls that are into DP - How common is this activity among the swingers? - Shit before long we're gonna have to start being built with Two cocks just to keep up! =)
Age - New to the swingers community - is age a factor in how a couple is viewed? -
Don said...
We view the lifestyle as a multifaceted creature. The sex part being a benefit. In order for a person to want to have sex, they have to be attracted to the other person in some way shape or form.
For some, age is an issue. Should we fault them?? I think not. Just as we've discussed in other threads about D&D, Smoking, Sexual Practices etc. The list is long. I think this has to do with preference. Are some people picky yes. Don't let their decision hamper your good time. There are many couples that this is an issue. Most people's taste doesn't change because someone complains. I say move on.
We don't have an issue with age so much as we do attitude and personality. As some of you well know, I (Don) am very opinionated and love to say what's on my mind. Some don't like that. Some thing I am a prick. For those of you that think that...
Anyway, as we say in the Army, suck up and drive on. Don't let rejections rule your outlook, let your successes. Good luck.
-D-
We just moved to sunny Florida! - Looking for new friends in the Tampa area! - Hello swingers! After a short hiatus, we are back, after moving to sunny Florida! We are living in the Tampa Bay area, and looking for new friends, to hang with, and hopefully, play with. We have been members here for quite sometime, and hope we can make new friends in our new home!
Please contact us if you would like to chat, meet, just say HI!
Ron & Chrissy
